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I was diagnosed 6 years ago and have had no outbreaks. I havent in that time told a sole that I have this virus.


3 months ago I started a relationship with a close friend that I have known for 4 years. I am in love with him. I had to face this horrible issue that I buried for so long.


1 month ago I disclosed that I have HSV2 to hm. My partner is not dealing with it well at all. He said he needs time to think about things logically as he likes me alot, but does not want to contract the virus.


I need advice.


Should I be patient and stay or should I not waste my time and leave. Its been a month and we are slowly drifting apart. He is no longer affectionate towards me and I am feeling rejected and am starting to resent him for not liking me enough to support me and move forward with the relationship.


He went to see a sex therapist yesterday, who basically said to him he needs to make the decision of whether he is going to marry me or not. He said he feels alot of pressure as he is not sure whether he wants to marry me or not as we have only been dating 3 months.


I don’t know what to do. He hasn’t been overly supportive and I feel so rejected and ashamed. I have been patient and really supportive but I feel like Im being punished.


I want to be with this guy. Is him having to think about whether he wants to be with me or not enough of a reason for me to leave this relationship?




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This is a hard one. My husband of 21 yrs was so crazy about me when I told him so he didn't care that I had H. However, he said he wanted to wear condoms during intercorse to protect himself and that's the way we left it. It was ultimately his choice and I never swayed him at all and we are very, very happy this way and he has never gotten H from me. In your case, it almost seems he isn't into you enough to except "everything" that goes with you. I think I would just tell him he obviously has reservations so you are backing away. Call me if you think you want to continue on, but there can't be any "back and forth" with it. Either he accepts you completely or move on.

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Thank you so mcuh for your words. I cant tell you how happy I was to read a response. This is the first time I have spoken to another person about this so it was wonderful to hear your thoughts. He is 34 years old and suffered through cancer 10 years ago. He said his body has been through enough and he wants to make a 'logical' desision. Am I being to pushy? I dont feel supported at all.

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I personally think that everyone needs to chill out about herpes like they do in Brazil.


Honestly getting herpes was worth it for me. This may sound like a rationalization, but I had a hell of a fun time sleeping around without condoms and I was pretty much destined to get it. I still get my rocks off but now I disclose and use condoms a lot more often.


People should just go into life assuming that they will probably get some kind of herpes if they want to have a decent sex life. For most people, it really isn't a big deal to get. Also, if you look at the animal world, herpes doesn't affect how they breed- it doesn't make an animal less attractive to its mate. That's proof of how little herpes actually matters. If it was a serious social death sentence, then animals wouldn't mate with others that have it.

That's not how herpes has survived. The reason that herpes has been around for so long is precisely because it isn't a big deal. If it were, the carriers of it wouldn't be able to reproduce and the virus would have been evolutionarily weeded out a long time ago.


herpes = harmless for the vast majority of cases.

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I think the marriage question is so far from the actual problem, I wonder what this counselor is implying?? That you can't be with someone that has herpes unless you are for sure this is going to be a lifelong commitment? This is just the oddest thing to bring up after a 3 month long relationship. What the heck?


I agree with Stillmebutwiser, he needs to get a blood test, because he might just have it and not know. As for your relationship though, I agree with Katidid, it doesn't sound as if he is into the relationship enough to accept everything about you. And you deserve someone that does.


Some red flags are: You love him.. he said he likes you a lot but doesn't want to get a virus. It's been a month- that's enough time to have an idea of what you want from a person (whether it be friendship or pursuing more). I think anyone would start to resent him at this point. You're feelings are completely natural! And his pulling away and not being affectionate is cruel if you ask me. He needs to make a decision, or you do.


Don't get me wrong, if he were going through treatments for cancer at this point of time and was immunocompromised, I could see wanting to take precautions against getting a virus. But he's been cleared, correct? And what are your views on the cancer? Meaning that now he's had one round of it, odds are he could very well have another. Which could be limiting relationship wise. (I'm not trying to sound rude, but there are many health issues that arise in relationships, and if you're accepting of a possible life threatening illness that could take him away from you, then you would hope he could be accepting of a virus that does nothing for the most part but put a stop to sex occasionally.)


Just some things to think about.

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I'm actually surprised your counselor mentioned marriage so soon into your relationship...I understand you have known each other for years, but that's a different level than intimacy..

He has had other major health issues so I do understand his concern, everyone reacts differently to the virus...I went decades with only one uncomfortable outbreak that I questioned, not everyone is so fortunate.

I'd give him space, of it was meant be, he will be back...hopefully he's educating himself to the disease...and will find the risk of transmission is minimal with proper precautions


And kudos to you for your disclosure!!!!!!

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