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I hate myself.

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When does the goddamn pain stop? I've had this now for 5+ years and everything I've read said the outbreaks will lessen over time. All of mine are always bad, and I have multiple ones almost every month! I can't go to a fucking doctor because I can't chance any results being mailed to my house and my parents finding out I have this, and I have nowhere else to get this shit mailed. I've done homenremedies, nothing is working! I am so fucking sick of this and want it to stop!!! When the fuck does it stop?!?!?!

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I know it's frustrating. I hear you. It can definitely suck. And hating yourself is going to do nothing but make it worse, I promise you. Not only on the level of stressing yourself out and creating a lowered immune system for the virus to thrive, but also just on an emotional level for you as a human being.


What if the antidote to this whole thing is to actually love yourself? Accept yourself. Accept what you have while also doing what you can to take care of the outbreaks themselves. Everyone is going to have pain in life. It is part of life. But not everyone has to suffer. By hating yourself, you're pushing pain into unnecessary suffering. It's a powerful and valuable life skill to have.

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HatingMeNow, all I can offer you is this; we are all different and therefore all react differently when faced with this virus that has come into our lives. For some, it is physically worse than for others and I guess that's because we all have our own unique genetic make up that influences how we react to viruses and illnesses. I can't take away your physical pain but one thing I am pretty sure of is this; your mental attitude has a lot to do with your physical well being. When we submerge ourselves into a negative state of mind it, often times, has a knock on effect on our physical being. I know that it's a vicious circle in that your physical pain is making you feel low and unappy and in turn that unhappiness and stress is making your outbreaks more frequent and painful but keep on searching for what works for you in helping you reduce and control your outbreaks. You will come across something that is unique to you that helps you, I'm sure you will, but please try not to get yourself to the point of despair and stressed. We're all here for you and whenever you need to sound off or need a listening ear, please come here and share.


Love and hugs!

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You've never been diagnosed? How do you know it's herpes? Why not ask the dr to call with your results or use email? I haven't ever had my STD results mailed to my home. Or what about a planned parenthood type clinic?


If you have been diagnosed, then odds are they won't retest you. You simply say "I've got ..." and they will give you a prescription. (At least that's been my experience)


5+ years is a long time to be having frequent outbreaks regardless of your frame of mind. Do you have any autoimmune issues?? I would ignore this out of fear that you'll get in trouble. What if there is an underlying issue you aren't aware of? Since this could affect your reproductive health, I think it's important to get seen asap.

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You should do anything you can to go see a doctor. It sucks, yeah, but it's something that needs to be done. They won't send anything to you if you tell them your situation. I told my doctor the same and they told me to call them instead of calling me. Just let them know and they'll adapt.

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Go see the doctor.


Also, I could be wrong about this, but if you are overweight, then do what you can do reduce and maybe hit the gym because I think that being in shape could have some impact on the severity and frequency of outbreaks.


Herpes is very much related to your inner feelings- I've had breakouts when I was dealing with a dark emotional time. Your parents may or may not understand you, but maybe there are other resources available.


Is there any way you can talk to a doctor? Also, they don't mail yountest results.. that's all done in person at the facility.

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Tell your parents, by doing so they can provide comfort, understanding and support. I know as a mom to three teenagers, parents love is unconditional. Explain to them this is not your fault and provide insight on herpes because it will help them understand it if they don't now. Do you know how much pressure, burden and feeling ashame will disappear by telling? A whole of a lot. No more carrying a heavy secret around. Good luck.

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  • 5 months later...

I am severely overweight. I've tried losing weight, all the time. I really hate going through this, but I guess I have to. I had some minor breakthroughs, where I went over 2 months without one, taking L-Lysine and B12 tablets.


But, I had two back to back.... I'm noticing if I cut pop and chocolate out of my diet helped immensely. Outside of that, I'm back to square one.

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