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Feeling anxious about disclosing

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So, it has been awhile since I have had to grab some inspiration and hope from this site. First, I wanted to introduce myself. I am a 39 (soon to be 40), female who has been living with H since a college boyfriend unknowingly gave me H via oral sex. Since that time, I have been in several relationships and have been married and divorced. None of my sexual partners have gotten it, and I have had only two people reject me because of it. Oh, and I have to say that the second one came back after about 6 months and somehow came to the conclusion that he was okay with it. So really, I don't count him.

Fast forward to today. I have been online dating for about three going on four years. I was divorced in 2013, and after 12 years was thrust fairly quickly back into the dating world. That is scary enough without adding the fact that I have herpes. I had one longish term (about 7 months) relationship and we were safe and he never got it. However, looking back I don't think he was ever really 100% okay with it, and I believe it was one of the things that caused the demise of that partnership. We were both rebounding from divorces, and so it was probably inevitable. I will say, it was one of the best physical relationships I have ever had.

Anyway, fast forward to today. I have met a really great guy who I see real potential with. We met online, and instantly hit it off. He is smart, funny, a Christian (which is important to me), makes me laugh, and is a true gentleman. I haven't been this excited about someone since my rebound guy after my divorce, and where that was mostly physical, this feels different. I feel like he really is wanting to get to know me and see where it goes. We have messed around once, but haven't slept together and I am really enjoying just getting to know him and I love spending time with him. Here is where my anxiousness comes in. All of the joy, and giddiness I am supposed to be feeling at this stage is clouded by the fact that I know at some point I am going to have to disclose to him. I was rejected around this time last year (by the guy who eventually came back), and it was so hard on me. I am so afraid to go through that again especially since I feel like this person is someone I could form a real relationship with. Any suggestions on the best way to go about it. I am an emotional person and in the past I feel like my emotions have gotten the best of me and made it seem worse than it is. I don't want that to happen this time. Any pointers you can share would be much appreciated. Thanks!

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Hey Kat76!


Have you downloaded the free e-book yet? That'll give you a good start on how this whole opportunity thing works! ;)



... and here are a whole slew of recent videos I've put out that might help (forgive the weird faces in the still images)! :)







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This is pretty much my exact situation right now, with a new guy I felt an instant connection with, and who I'm really excited about. The underlying anxiety is not allowing me to truly enjoy it. Unlike you, though, I have never had to disclose before, so I'm especially frightened by the potential outcome. I too am emotional, in that I have Bipolar Disorder (which the guy already knows about). The e-book is great, and I'm getting lots of good tips from the forums, but I feel like I need a specific script to go off of. I also have social anxiety, and while it's REALLY easy to talk to him, a topic like this seems to paralyze my vocal chords.

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I know the feeling you are going through exactly because I have felt it too several times, I try to accept that these feelings are inevitable because H is the cards we got dealt and if we want to be honest and disclose there is no way around it. I also just met a guy last week who asked if I have an std and I was honest. He called me the other day to let me know what he's been thinking and he needs a few days to process and decide what he's comfortable with. I'm currently in the waiting period... how hard cuz he could go either way.


This is especially hard because the only reason at this point that he wouldn't want to continue dating is because of H. Which kills me..


Especially sucky is that every guy I've ever been with has accepted me so this brings back old shame feelings :( I've been doing ok tho.


My advice to you is to disclose with genuine authentic confidence. The more you act nonchalant, matter of fact and frank about it the more he'll see oh it isn't a huge deal to her so maybe it is not so bad. This is advice from Adrial :) it has helped me believe that I too don't think it's a big deal. Make sure to say herpes out loud so it is very direct and no questions are left unanswered. I'd name the risks for him and share your story if he wants to hear it. Let him know how he has the right to feel any way he wants and that you respect his feelings. Also I think it helps to assure them they can ask you anything at any time and to encourage an open dialogue.


I wish you luck and hope you have a successful story as well as me!!! Will be finding out in a few days..

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