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I just found out I have herpes, in need of some support. Here is my story:

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I guess I don't even really know where to begin, or what to say. I am really in a weird state right now.


I just got the official call from my OBGYN last night. I am a junior in college, and I go to college two states away from home. I was having some issues while I was away and so I went in to see an OBGYN at school and I found out I had chlamydia. This was traumatizing to me all in its own.


When I came home for Thanksgiving break I had to go in for my yearly- I am very close with my OBGYN, and I was very distraught over the chlamydia and obviously went over all of this with her. So we decided not just for peace of mind, but also because I have a rather promiscuous past, we ought to do a full STD screening. From the moment I left her office (which was on a Wednesday, and I was supposed to get a call back by Friday...) I was an anxious mess, as she had really laid down the cold hard facts about how common STDs are and how many are asymptomatic. I didn't hear anything Friday, or Monday, or Tuesday... so finally I reached out to her yesterday, and at this point I am just a mess, because I don't have anyone I can talk to about it. She called me back last night and gave me the news- that I was positive for HSV2.


Initially I just cried and cried and cried. I felt like I kind of knew this was what was going to come of it... this last week I have been thinking of all the men I have slept with, and really feeling so terrible about all the choices I have made- as a lot of them (when it comes to sex) have been so, so poor. I feel like a whore, and I feel like this makes my sexual past define me, and takes away from all the good that I have done... As I have already said, I have done a lot of research- and my Dr. said as well, I know this is very common. I know this doesn't change me as a person- but this mental battle (which I do realize it is very fresh) is so hard for me right now. One minute I feel like everything is okay- I am looking at the big picture and I'm thinking how lucky I am that I am asymptomatic- so no painful OB's- how lucky I am that this is not life threatening. I think that I am still the same girl, the same sister, the same daughter, the same straight A student, the same great friend... But then I will have these random break downs. Like the first time I talked to my Father after the diagnosis I felt so bad, like I had failed him? I don't ever plan on telling him- but he is my best friend and I am such a "daddy's girl"- and I feel so tainted now? Like he would be ashamed of me if he knew his little girl had herpes. I don't know... I just am very emotional, and it is very tough for me because the people I typically talk to about hard things in life are my mom and my dad, or I am very independent. But this is just such a big pill to swallow that I don't feel like I can handle this one on my own. I did talk to my sister about it, and she just felt so bad because of how bad I felt, which made me feel even worse for putting this burden on her. I worry about if I will ever get married. I worried about this before I had herpes, and now I feel like no one would be able to look past this. I don't even know how I would be able to bring it up? I feel like people are so severely uneducated on the topic, I got a glimpse of that talking to my sister (who was very open minded.) Love seems so far fetched and the disclosure conversations seem so scary, rejection hurt pre herpes and I feel like it will sting even worse now. I just am looking for any advice anyone has, any words of wisdom or anything that made them feel better after being initially diagnosed. I am alone, two states away from home, newly diagnosed, and so very sad. I just am looking for someone to talk to. I know not everyone believes in this- but I do think everything happens for a reason, and I know I needed a lifestyle change. I Just feel so alone right now and I want to know that everything will be okay. I want to know I am still a good person...


Anything is appreciated, and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

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Welcome...sorry to hear about what is going on, but also glad you reached for help...I remember when I was first diagnosed, I would randomly bust into tears...heck I still do!

But I will tell you the same thing they told me...it is very very common...most people do not even know they have it...1 out if every 6 people aged 14 to 49 are infected according to the CDC.

My issue, like yours, is the stigma surrounding the ignorance of it. It most certainly does NOT define who we are...we all have made poor choices, and still might, we can try and learn from life's experiences and move forward.

Your parents love you, your choice on who you tell, but I know as a parent, my love for my children is unconditional....my mom passed before my official diagnosis, I didn't have that option.

Good luck and hugs xxx

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Hi there. First off I'd like to let you know that you are so far from being alone in this. Our situations are strikingly similar, I'm a college- aged female very recently diagnosed, with a questionable sexual history. Please know that everything you're feeling is legitmate. Being upset with the choices you've made, beating yourself up over "allowing" this to happen to you, feeling dirty or that you can't be loved again. These are legitimate feelings, but they're rooted in the shock and shame you're feeling from just being recently diagnosed and they're not the truth. You couldn't have known this would happen to you. No one imagines it. And I think that can partly blamed on the lack of information about H that's readily available to us. That lack of information also fuels the social stigma that has us so afraid of others finding out about our diagnosis. But again, that stigma is not reality. The reality is, as you said, that you are the same girl. The same sister and daughter and friend that you've always been and you are NOT guilty of anything. You are a good person who will not only strive through this journey, but thrive. I also had the same thought, that everything happens for a reason and being forced to be my healthiest self may actually be a really amazing thing. I think it's so impressive that we can look at it this way, I'm proud of both for that. Holding onto this hope is what has helped me cope for the past 5 days since my diagnosis. I was worried because I have depression that I manage with medication and the initial hopelessness I felt, while also dealing with a terrible primary OB, felt like enough to send me into a depressive episode. But I immediately began taking vitamin C and B complex, garlic everyday, staying as relaxed as I can and KEEPING A JOURNAL. I can't stress enough how helpful that's been for me. I have lists of foods to avoid, suggested supplements etc, as well as just notes about I'm feeling. This helped tremendously with feeling more organized and like I really can manage this. I think it coule help you, especially being away from home. I wish you the best and I'm here for any support you might need. Xx

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I'm going to give you another scenarios for you to consider while you're working through your diagnosis. Like a girl that gets it her very first sexual encounter, or someone that has never had intercourse but gets it from oral sex. I'm sure you would not look at any of those situations and think that they are dirty or soiled- or got what they deserved for being sexual beings. Try to use that same kindness for yourself.

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  • 1 month later...

Why should you feel guilty about what your father might think? Don't tell him, and you don't have to worry about it. Why do you feel guilty at all? Anywhere from 16-33% of women have either form of herpes. Our anatomy makes us more prone to infection. It's just part of being a human being who has had physical contact with other human beings. Don't shame yourself. It really could be worse, my outbreaks have been horrendous and have ruined my quality of life. I so wish I'd never had an outbreak like you.

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