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Disclosure coming soon!

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I met a man who is simply amazing. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but hey, life happens. Anyway, I found out I was HSV2 positive in January... I've dated since, then, but I've never disclosed because we were never intimate. I have a feeling the conversation is quickly approaching. I really would like to have it before the year is up. During a phone convo he asked if I had any STDs, I grew dangerously silent! I didn't deny it, but I didn't say yes either. I was soooo NOT ready for the convo at that point. I met this amazing man at work. He was in a serious relationship (close to marriage) but he called it off when he realized how deeply he felt for me. We've since been hanging out, kissing A LOT, and etc. I know this convo is just around the corner. I'm weirdly at peace with the conversation, but at the same time I'm so irritated I have to have the conversation. Any tips? Words of advice? This guy is truly everything I've ever prayed for.... I need to go about this correctly.


Thank you

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Hey breathe123! Well, first off, your name says it all. Breathe. Take it in. Focus on the aspects of this relationship you cherish and love. Disclosing is actually quite an exciting moment in a relationship: It shows you that you trust this man enough to be emotionally vulnerable with him. And that ... is ... huge! So focus on flipping the script on this being an irritating thing that you have to do into something that will bring you two closer. Have you read the e-book & handouts yet? If not, I suggest you hop on that! A lot of good stuff that goes deeper into how this whole thing can be an opportunity:


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Thank you Adrial! I still haven't disclosed. He's bouncing back in forth in regards to me and his ex which he feels guilty for leaving. I'll wait until he is 100% he wants to be with me. He does tak about sex A LOT and that makes me nervous. I feel like I should come clean, but techniqually it's not his business yet, right? Man, why is this so hard!!!

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Hey! :) Great questions! I'm glad you're asking them. Here are a few videos I made to help answer 'em:


"Pre-disclosure: Testing out the waters"




When is the right time to disclose herpes?




What if Mr. Right rejects me because of herpes?


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  • 4 weeks later...

just read through this discussion thread. I am in the same boat right now- just met a pretty special guy (which I don't say often) and we have gone out 3 times / talking for a few weeks. He is very genuine and he took the words out of my mouth and says he'll go as slow as I want and need (probably because I was holding back) I had the talk with him the other night it came up that I wait to have sex until I am in a commitment and he was very ok with that. I think that is my "meta" talk Adrial is talking about. I am feeling good, but very uneasy because I know it's going to have to come up.. "here we go again." sigh... and he is pretty great I don't want to lose him. The past two guys i disclosed to have not accepted me and it was pretty rough. However, I have had only positive experiences disclosing in the past aside from those 2. I just wanted to chime in that I know how you are feeling this is not easy... it does not get easier each time... but we have no choice when we want to have these intimate relationships and honesty is so important! I feel for you... and I am in the same boat. Let me know your story when you decide to :)

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@inspired32 , hey there! Well, I decided not to disclose... I waited a little longer and I'm glad I did. When they say "H" isn't such a bad thing they are right! If I didn't have this little secret I probably would have slept with him already, but I'm so thankful I didn't. Long story short: Mr. Perfect turned out to be the "Best thing I Never Had." He was still in a relationship with his ex and he was riding the fence... asking me to wait until he could decide if he wanted to be with me or with his ex. There were several other red flags I started noticing slowly after that. I am totally done with him and grateful he never got the goods, haha. I'm also grateful that I didn't tell him my secret. I'm learning not everyone deserves to know the deep intimacies/flaws about you. I have started dating my ex again... I disclosed to him and he's been AMAZING! He's loving, thoughtful and considerate. His words exactly were "oh... well, you're still the same amazing girl I fell in love with 8 years ago.

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@breathe123 I'm so glad to hear how that worked out in your favor so well!! I think it's so important to wait and really follow your gut on when is truly the right moment. I'm also so happy for you that it worked out with your ex and he accepted you I know that feeling and it's the most amazing feeling ever! I just started seeing a new guy about 2 weeks ago and we have hung out 4 times. He is super genuine but it's starting to get to that point where I know sex is going to be on the table within another couple weeks or so. I have slept next to him cuddled and made out but we have not hooked up yet. He said he could tell I'm nervous and that I should trust him but will move as slow as I need. I have kept that slow thing going now but I can tell he's getting very very curious why I'm so uncomfortable to do anything yet and won't let him eat me out. I am dying on the inside to disclose but I'm not ready yet because I have found in the past it's best to allow that guy to get to know you fully before sharing. I think it's only fair to each of us to take it slow and really see our compatibility before I let him all the way in. I'm starting to feel really vulnerable tho in the negative sense because I do want to touch him but I've been stopping myself. How do you think is best to navigate this? This is the part where I start to feel worried. :(

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@inspired32, my best and only advice would be to wait until you feel in your heart you're ready. I had friends tell me I should tell him, but I felt very unsettled doing it. I'm glad I went with my gut. I think you should wait until you're at peace with the fact that the individual may or may not accept it... and you feel you'll be okay either way. I definitely know how you feel in regards to wanting to touch him. I did other things (foreplay), nothing that would put him in danger though. I'm rooting for you. Take your time...remember, this is about YOU not the other individual. He/she will not die if you don't have sex with hin/her. I think it's important to take your time and be ready. This is just a suggestion, I don't know everything, but I do know waiting literally SAVED me! Xoxo! Here for you.

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@breathe123, thank you so much for your advice and support. I realized I kept stopping myself out of fear but also because my gut knew it just wasn't the right moment. I wanted to update you on a new and beautiful disclosure that happened with him last night completely unplanned. Also my preface is that I have hsv type 1 genitally.


I went over to watch a movie and of course we ended up making out instead. He tried again to go down and I was like no stay up here... and he asked why and I just said cuz. No reason I just don't want you to. So he let it go.


I proceeded to taking off his clothes so I could touch him and give him head which he said it's been months and was embarrassed but he came in 2 seconds lmfao!


After that we kinda just kissed and talked a ton and he was asking me random questions to kinda learn more about me and the first one was about going down on me...I was like ugh ok next question. And after a while he kept coming back to it cuz he was like I'm sooo curious.. I wanna understand you.


After that I said ok you realllyyyy wanna know?? And then I explained it and he didn't ask too many questions- I said how are you feeling cuz I know it's not something everyone's comfortable with and if you're not that's ok. He said no I'm not running. I was like I really like you so of course I'd be disappointed but it's up to you too. And he said I really like you to it's totally fine with me.


So then after a while of kissing he randomly goes don't worry about what you told me... I'm HERE. Then it kinda went from there he thanked me for being honest said I didn't have to be but he really appreciates it.


Basically we're hanging again this weekend he's eager to have sex now I was like I'm freee!! Now we can have sex whenever haha and then I told him I do want to soon but not that moment.


(Obvi I wanna make sure he's exclusive even tho I don't have many concerns lol) and now he understands why I wait to be sexual and I think he respects that I only have sex with people I am very into and plan to have a relationship with. Now the real fun begins!! Thanks herpes for yet again being a blessing for me and my intimacy :)

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