Still struggling with the reality of it all sometimes.

[StillAdjusting]

Hello, all. I was recently diagnosed with HSV 2 about two months ago. I'm pretty sure I got it from my ex about 3 years ago, but that's a story for another day... I have since found a new person in my life and we are so great together. It was just instant, like we knew we were to be together. A year and a half into our relationship I go to the doctor after a strange occurrence. Hoping it was just an infected cut from my razor or rash from running, I decided to get it checked just in case so I could protect my partner. The news was devastating. The doctor was no help as she told me she woukd come back after I was done crying.... I called my boyfriend and said we had to talk right away. I tried to break up with him so I could spare him from catching this but he refused. After a night of processing and serious consideration, I am thrilled to say that my boyfriend and I are stiill together and he is very supportive. If it wasn't for him, I don't want to imagine the deep and dark depths I would be in emotionally. Also, he got tested and is (h) free so far. I have had 3 OBS including the one I got diagnosed with (visual and lab tests confirmed). This world is so new to me and I try to not see (h) as a life altering, devastating thing that will hold me back in life, but I struggle every time I get an OB. My boyfriend, as much as he tries to be positive for me, can't understand why it's so hard for me to not get upset when these pop up.I came across this forum while trying to find ways to reduce OBS online. I just need guidance and support from someone who understands the struggle and the physical and emotional toll that (h) takes on you. This happened only months after my 30th birthday.... not a very good way to start my new milestone. Thank you for listening.

[7thWind]

What I can tell you is that you have been given the chance to have someone to still love you throgh your outbreaks, which is something I long for. Allow yourself to receive the support that you have and enjoy your life. I don't even know where to start to tell my despair & pain about what I've been going through for 7 years. Therefore I won't today maybe another time. What I want to say to you is take a deep breath, blow it out and be happy with the man who have accepted you with the virus.

[MMissouri]

@stilladjusting. Can I ask how herpes has changed your life in a life altering and devastating way? Maybe if you type it out it will help, or maybe when you sit down and think about it, you may realize that it hasn't really changed much but your thinking. I'm betting on the latter. I could be wrong, but try it. List it right here. How has herpes really changed your life for the worse?

[StillAdjusting]

 

 

One thing I neglected to mention was that I also have depression. This diagnosis has unfortunately worsened that as I now feel all the negative perceptions from the stigma. I'm sure all of us know the feeling... the dirty, the blame, the guilt, etc. The worst part for me is that I just feel so dirty and damaged. My bf helps, but when an outbreak comes, it just acts as a reminder. I'm only two months in to my diagnosis so I'm still struggling a lot. I wanted to come here for support and understanding. I can't tell my family because they act as though I have brought home the plague when I have a simple cold. My friends, though this may sound hypocritical, are kind of judgemental and close-minded so I don't feel I can tell them. I'm still educating myself on this situation. I know eventually it won't effect my moods and that it's not the end of the world, but that is only now, after research. When I was on that table at the doctor's office, it seemed devastating because she was so cold and didn't really care to educate me. The stigma we grow up with is so consuming until you educate yourself. Yes, I am lucky I have someone who wants to stay. If I had found the diagnosis when we first started dating I doubt he would still be here. I appreciate him everyday for who he is and for his acceptance of me. I wish (h) didn't have the stigma is does because then we wouldn't feel so ashamed and go through such dark places that some never come out of. As I said, my main struggle is not letting outbreaks remind me of this stigma. Then when we hang out with friends at a special event, I seem to always be taking meds for the outbreak and can't drink. Its another reminder... and this wouldn't be such a big issue if I didn't have everyone constantly offering me drinks and not understanding when I tell them no. I can't tell them I'm on meducation because then they will want to know what for. I tend to have a beer or two with them because otherwise I am too wound up and can't have fun or relate to them. The depression makes that happen so I would have a beer to loosen up but lately I have not been able to do that since I keep having outbreaks and people keep asking my bf what's wrong with me. It doesn't sound like a big problem, but when you are trying to make and keep friends when you have depression it makes things more difficult. It's like a spiral. And all the reminders of things you can't do or have to do now make adjusting so hard. I'm sorry for the long reply. I'm sure someone is still going to point at this and say "get over yourself", but again, I'm two months in. This Rollercoaster is still very real and active for me. Thanks for listening.

[StillAdjusting]

And @7thwind, I really am sorry to hear that you have not yet found what you are longing for. I recognize how lucky I am and I apologize if it sounds like I am ungrateful or rubbing it in to others. That is not my intention. Seven years is a long time to be dealing with this alone so I wish for you to find that person who will accept you with the virus, as well. I'm still adjusting, but I try to take a deep breath and refocus. Thank you for reading my post and taking the time to reply.

[MMissouri]

We can all relate to what you're going through stigma wise. I was just hoping that your reasoning was the stigma, because if you can change your thinking then you'll realize that the physical symptoms are not life altering (for the majority of us).

 

Why can't you drink? I don't remember seeing anything about alcohol and antivirals?

[StillAdjusting]

@Missouri when I take the antivirals and drink it messes with my heart rate. :(

[StillAdjusting]

This only happens when I drink... it's really scary. It makes my heart beat super fast for like an hour after I take the pills during the about 24 hours after I drank. I was hoping it wasn't only me...

[MMissouri]

Never heard of that before @stilladjusting, but everyone reacts to meds differently.

[Sail]

@stilladjusting it's not a good idea to take any medication with alcohol as a general rule. You might want to get the heart thing checked out because this could be something else heart related. I do avoid any alcohol when on antivirals as well although my heart does not "race" if I choose to consume alcohol on antivirals.