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Rejected after disclosure

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Ive had HSV 2 a while but haven't had any sexual relationship since diagnosis. I started seeing someone and had to disclose to him after about 6 weeks, when it was obvious that kissing and stuff was getting heated and he was wanting me to spend the night. He took it ok when I told him, but said that he wanted some time to think it over and do some research for his own sake (which was fine, and I know that he has done A LOT of research), but he didn't want to physically see me whilst he was doing that, though we did talk on the phone regularly. That went on for 4 weeks and though I wanted to give him space, like he asked, I also felt very rejected, that I was being 'quarantined' or something. He eventually said that he didn't want to stop seeing me (that was two weeks ago), but on the occasions that we have met up and spoken since, he has seemed distant, like his interest was waning, and he hasn't been in touch with me as frequently. I spent the night with him on 23rd Dec but he didn't try to initiate sex, which I thought he might, as we were kissing and cuddling etc, and when I questioned it he admitted he was too scared to have sex with me. I do understand his feelings, but I still felt so rejected. I am taking antivirals, which he knows, and we would use condoms if we were to have sex.He said that he needed more time to try and get used to the idea. I then haven't heard anything from him over the last 3 days, which just compounded it all. I called him today to tell him that I just haven't been feeling that things have been going well between us, he seems distant, I feel rejected, etc. He says that he doesn't really want to stop seeing me, but he doesn't know when, or even if, he is ever going to get over being scared of me. I said that I thought it maybe best to end things now, as even though I dont want to push or force him to have certain feelings, the whole situation is hurting me a lot, and he has pretty much agreed that it should end. And I feel SO rejected and lonely right now. I cant stop crying tonight. Ive read so many stories on the internet where people have had a good outcome after disclosure, and maybe Ive been stupid but I really thought that I would be one of them. I cant talk to anyone about this, or how hurt I am, as I haven't told any of my friends about my diagnosis. I was too ashamed at the time, and now I feel like too much time has passed to say anything. Plus I know that they have judgemental views about it. I'm 36 and I'm so tired of being the only single person I know. I want a relationship and children, and I feel that time is not only running out for me, but ive now got this massive hurdle in the way, and I will never get any of those things because no man will ever accept me because of Herpes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just left a similar comment on Katie's thread...

I know it is so hard. Especially when you really like the person. Don't stop reading those success stories!! Let them inspire you for the next time. Because I promise they will not always end in rejection. I've dealt with rejection and it definitely sucks. However looking back, I now realize those guys would have been terrible long term partners anyway!


Spend some time on these forums reading, educating yourself, and asking any questions you have! The more you know the easier it is to accept that it's really just a little annoying part of your life now. And remember, people get rejected for all kinds of reasons. I know I've rejected guys for some pretty ridiculous stuff. It happens. But when it's right, those little things won't matter. Including herpes. Try to think of it more of a small fact about you rather than a massive hurdle. It might seem impossible now...but I promise it DOES get better!! Hang in there!!

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