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Tale of the monogamous girl and the sociopath boy

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So the title kind of gives it away. I'd only been with 3 people when I met, let's call him D. It was an instant connection from the very start, love at first sight, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. There were red flags, but I dismissed them. After about 5 months of being together, I was confronted by a girl over social media. She said D had been sleeping with her. Of course he denied it and I believed him. Two weeks later I went on a trip out of town for a couple weeks. When I got back we had sex...a lot. And you guessed it, I broke out like all hell exactly 14 days later. I thought maybe it was staph, but knew it wasn't deep down. I tested positive for HSV-2. I didn't really know what to do. I hadn't done anything to deserve it. I'd been loyal and supported him and gave him another chance. He just said "sorry" and told me it wasn't a big deal. But plot twist, it kind of is, because I also have kidney disease. The anti virals are bad for my kidneys, but I have to take them every day anyways in order to suppress breakouts that I frequently have due to poor immune system. But I did still try to fix things with him, because I felt like it might be easier than starting over. We both have it, he just has to quit messing around on me. But he didn't, I constantly caught him messing up. So we ended it. I found out his biological mother was clinically bipolar and believe this is the big reason for his mistakes. Many of his behavioral patterns point to mental illness and from my research and personal experience, I believe that he suffers from it. He needs to be treated and hope he does soon.

But he still to this day has never had an outbreak, doesn't tell his new partners about his condition and to ice the cake, denys ever cheating on me and even blames me for giving it to him. Ridiculous.

On a positive note, I have found some peace. I know it's not the end of the world. I will find someone who will love me regardless. I will NEVER let someone treat me like D did again. Most importantly, herpes doesn't mean you're nasty or ruined. It isn't always easy and isn't a good thing, but definitely manageable and more common than many realize.

The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. Get rid of toxic people like I did. Cleanse your life. Herpes isn't the end, it's just the beginning of a more careful life. And there isn't anything wrong with you.

If anyone wants to chat, definitely inbox me! I'm in my early 20's so even though I have a positive outlook, it could be nice to talk to someone that's in the same spot as me.

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I love your outlook and I'm glad you removed yourself from the relationship, it sounds toxic.


I have to admit I'm curious about your treatment plan/options. Since antivirals are harmful to you, and you have autoimmune issues, what is the plan for the future? Are you going to wean yourself off of them eventually?

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I'm not really sure yet because I don't know in depth what all the effects are. I don't break out often, only when stressed. I also found out tanning is a trigger for me unfortunately.

I do have an appointment with my Nephrologist on the 9th and that is when I'll tell her of my diagnosis. I do know they cut my antiviral dose in half and she said it would be okay. I also know the antivirals are okay post transplant. So it's not hopeless by any means, just inconvenient.

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@Indigochild90. The first few months of any new diagnosis is a mess of information and emotions. Things will happen, as they happen, when they happen. We are all here to support each other through a crazy emotional time and offer our experiences so others might learn by them and grow.

Just take this one day at a time and you will find the most appropriate pathway for you. Since your kidneys are involved health wise your pathway will be a little different, but you will find it. Have a great New Year. Try and be gentle on yourself as far as stress and emotions. Anytime you would like to write, even to blow off steam, just pm me.

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Sorry! I was genuinely curious because there are people with autoimmune issues that ask for guidance and I thought perhaps you had some insight. Part of it is because I'm very into the pros and cons of treatment and part of it was I thought maybe you didn't realize that the antivirals were not necessary for some people. I learn by asking questions, but I'll refrain from asking anymore.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My kidney doctor said herpes has no effect on the kidneys and the antivirals are okay to take as needed. She said to live my life as normal, just use condoms during outbreaks. That literally almost everyone has HSV-1 and most don't realize they have 2. That they do not even test for it anymore. Talking with her was an enormous stress release for me.

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@MMissouri don't apologize, I need to. I waa wrong to be defensive. I don't have an autoimmune disease though. My kidneys are failing due to scarring from reflux when I was a child. I'm actually kind of rare. But my doctor did say that herpes doesn't have an effect on the organs because it is not in the blood but rather the skin (shedding). She said the best thing was not to stress. I did have her show me my white blood cell count (i.e. immune system strength) and it was very good. Therefore, she believes the outbreaks were from stress from the past relationship and not knowing if the herpes would harm me.

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