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Feeling worthless

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I've been positive for 19 years! been married for 15; me and my wife just took our first vacation and out of my own stupidity she has been infected we are now talking about divorce I am feeling like the biggest p.o.s on earth right now! I know hindsight is 20/20 and I am so stricken with guilt right now I see now what I should have been doing!

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@rst2 I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you can be gentle with yourself. It may be that was the thinking when you were diagnosed. Even now, many doctors advise just abstaining during outbreaks and don't even touch on antivirals as a way to reduce risk. Also, it's quite common for long term HSV-discordant couples to choose not to use condoms, regardless of being fully aware of the risk of asymptomatic shedding.

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The nurse practictioner who gave me my diagnosis a year ago said this to me when I started to cry, "Oh honey, don't worry.....all this means is if you have an outbreak, you use a condom. That's all." Needless to say, I'm never going back to see her.


I spent a long time beating myself up for getting herpes. Eventually, I decided to forgive myself. But even now I still occasionally remind myself, "You didn't know. When you got tested before getting married, there was no good test for herpes and even today many doctors don't test for it. You didn't know that it was possible to get herpes even if you used a condom every single time you had sex. You didn't know that one of your partners had herpes--hell, he may not have known himself. You didn't know. You didn't know. You didn't know."


Now that I know, I'll make better decisions. But I didn't know and I can't change that. {hugs to you}

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