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Hey new to this site not sure what reaction I'm going to get but here it goes. Feeling so lonely and sick anxious about this. I got diagnosed with herpes in my hand when I was 16 I didn't get it from sex the doctors are all baffled as well. I spread it to the top of my number when they didn't know what it was so I wasn't being careful. I'm no 24 and haven't had an out brake in 2 years on my hand. Bun gets sore now and then at top of bum but that's it ! I have 2 kids and my doctor said they were fine to touch unless it comes up then cover it. My children's father knew and didn't mind at all. I've never passed it on ever and my kids have never got it. Me and the kids dad split a year ago and I've been seeing someone new for a few months. We've had sex as it's no genital I didn't disclose! He's has cold sores so has the virus himself before me. Don't think he realises what it is though. My family friends and doctor say I don't need to inform people! But I feel awful and like I should tell him even though I haven't had it come up again in years. I can't get it out of my head I really like him and don't want him.to be put off ! I just don't know what to do its my hand there's nothing I can do about it protection wise apart from if I feel it I cover it even If it's just a tingle as from what I've read that shedding! But that's not happened in years. I just feel so alone and when family friends say don't say anything I feel they really don't get it ! I feel he has the right to know. But I'm so scared as my friend thinks he might be the type to tell a lot of people and not want anything to do with me ! Please I'm so nervous please be kind however I do respect all opinions ! I've read a lot and know what most will say. Guess I just need people to know how I feel to discuss it with me. I already know I probably should but kinda hoping someone will tell me different! I feel I would feel better without him and not keeping it to myself ! I've not put him at risk I'm pretty sure he won't catch it as no one ever has and the doctor says I don't need to disclose to my boss because of were it is. Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe someone to inbox would be better

Thank you

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@newbie222 Is the infection on your hand caused by HSV1? That is most typical for such infections. If so, it's likely your partner has the exact same virus you have, considering his history of cold sores, and there would be no concerns about transmission.


A correction, though: The fact that you have herpes sores on your butt does mean you have genital herpes. Again, if this is caused by HSV1, there is no reason to be concerned about transmission to a partner with a history of cold sores, but you mentioned not disclosing because it's not genital, so I thought you should know that herpes that occurs anywhere in the "boxer shorts" region (an area that would be covered by boxer shorts) is indeed considered genital herpes and it is likely you shed virus from your genital region.


As for being careful, please be aware that most adults have HSV1. Many contract it as children. If it's HSV2, that is also quite common among adults. Steps can be taken to reduce risk but avoiding it altogether is very challenging. Genital herpes can be transmitted while using condoms, though the risk is lower than without condoms. And most people who have it don't know it, so relying on others to disclose is not enough.

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Hey optimist thank you for your reply. I don't know what strain it is or how I got it the doctor was very blunt and didn't give much info. She was just like it's the same as a cold sore it's common and didn't really make a big deal out of it. Also they didn't know the first few times it came up on my hand. They come up like little blisters and she even popped them at one point! I'm quite confident I won't pass it on as I never have and like I said I have children which I touch all the time baths nappie changes ect. I do want to tell him just feel I can't trust him enough yet and don't want him to either brake things of because he's not very clued up about anything like this. He though thrush was an std! Or he could be completely different with me. I'm fairly confident that the infection I get on my bum was from my hand. When I was breastfeeding my first I was sat upright a lot which caused me to have a sore on my bum. At this time I didn't know what was in my hand so threw wiping ect I think I passed it there because it was a wound! So because he's had cold sores! Also shingles in the past which is part of the herpes family does that me I can't give it to him again ? If that's the case I would feel a lot more at ease that I'm not putting him at risk. But like I said if I feel as much as a tingle even if nothing comes up I'm careful.

Thank you very much for taking the time the reply to me

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Yea I've jut had this conversation with my mum and going to book an appointment. I've never heard of anyone else having it In they're hand. I'm so glad it doesn't come up anymore more but I know it could still come back at anytime.

Am I bad for not saying anything yet ? I've disclosed to other people and they never got it anyway so this time I just didn't want to be labelled with it

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@newbie222 A herpes infection of the finger is called herpetic whitlow, if that helps you access information about it. It is usually caused by HSV1 and I think that's even more likely than usual in your case considering you think you acquired it through non-sexual contact. It's possible you spread this to another part of your body soon after being infected, but if you were sexually active prior to developing genital herpes, it's also possible these are two separate infections of two different types, so you won't know if it's possible to transmit it to your partner until you know what type(s) of HSV each of you has.


Shingles is a different type of herpes. It's a reactivation of the chickenpox virus. It is only contagious in that it can cause chickenpox in people who haven't been vaccinated against chickenpox. It provides no protection against acquiring HSV1 or HSV2.

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I really don't know how I got it. I was sexually active at that age but can't remember if I was at the time I got it or not. My daughters dad could have had it but he never said anything and never had symptoms as far as I was aware. When I got it on my bum was after I had had my daughter and I wasn't sexually active then from beginning of my pregnancy until my little girl was a few months as me and her dad split early into my pregnancy. Also my hand had flared up at that time that I developed it down there so I'm really hoping it was me that spread it from my hand. I've never had anything else it's just got such a bad stigma about it that it makes me not want to tell anyone! I'm so nervous to get tested to see which type it is but it's definitely my next step and then I will know what to do. As he gets cold sores I feel he should be understanding! But then I've kept it from him so don't know how I would go about things now! Thank you so much for the replys it feels so good to be able to talk to people properly about it after 6 years of holding it all in my head! I did read about the herpetic whitflow a few months ago but never found anything to help me figure out my worrys. Do you think it's possible to catch it in your hand by masterbating someone that's infected? If you would know that

Thank you

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Hi @newbie222 and welcome! I love @optimist 's suggestion of getting a blood test. The best way to answer questions about transmission is to know if/which strains of HSV you have. And then if you were to have another outbreak, either on your buttocks or your hand, to have it swabbed to see if you can figure out which strain is acting out in these parts of your body. Information is real power, and I think further testing would make it really clear about how to proceed telling your partner.


Also, if you get ANY sense from your doctor that they either may not be well educated on the topic themselves, or if it's such a non-issue to them that they seem reluctant to spend time with you answering your questions, do not hesitate to see another doctor. The level of education about herpes among healthcare practitioners varies widely.



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Thank you so much hikinggirl for your reply. Will definitely look into a different doctor if my own can't help me more. It's horrid that there isn't a cure. I'm thinking of telling him about my hand at least either way and at least then he does know that I've got it.

Thank you everyone for your reply I was in a right state the other day and this website has really helped to calm me down

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