Newly Diagnosed

[Kyroptorin1]

So my now Ex-Fiancé and girlfriend of 4 years left me a little over a month ago, she came home from work one day and told me she didn't love me anymore and that it isn't fair that she be in a relationship that isn't mutual (I didn't see it coming in the slightest and thought we were both as happy as could be). This news turned my world upsidown, and displaced me geographically. I had to uproot myself from CA where I had lived my entire life until now (I am 24) and moved here to IL. Desperate for love, human contact, intimacy, and just to move past me EX, I connected with a girl out here and had a few passionate nights, which I do not regret in the slightest despite the outcome (type 2 genital herpes) because I was pretty much a few days from blowing my brains out from the crippling depression and loneliness, I was pretty reckless and did not use protection, but when the Herpetic lesions appeared they were in places that would not have been covered by a condom at all. Even though it's always the rule of thumb to use protection, it would not have helped me in this case. One thing my 8th grade Sex Ed class did not teach me was the absolutely gruesome pain shooting down my left leg and buttocks, WAY!!! worse than the sores above my junk. The lesions are gone now after 5 days of Acyclovir 800mg 5 times a day but the nerve pain persists. I'm still seeing the girl that gave me the Type 2 Herpes, but I'm just not feeling it (she's an odd one). I've got more questions than I can imagine. Is this the end of my sex life (I've only slept with 3 people total, so I'll be pretty bummed if it is)? I know its definitely not a positive attribute, but is it something someone would be willing to disregard if they like me enough? Will this pain in my leg ever go away? Will I ever feel normal again?

[surfsup]

It definitely does not have to be the end of your sex life. There are people on here having sex of all kinds (casual, monogamous, in the middle) and they are consistently disclosing and people are okay with it. I think it just depends where you are at with your diagnosis and if you're at peace with it and do not make it more of an issue than it is, lots of people will be interested in sex still. And they'll respect your honestly. If they don't, that's their right but it probably wasn't supposed to happen anyways.

 

I'm not sure about the leg pain, but I suspect it will. It's probably related to the initial outbreak which is basically always the worst. Use this as an opportunity to increase your health. Clean up your diet (if you need to), take some supplements/herbs that help with herpes, do some things to help with stress management/chilling out as god knows all of society needs this (hsv or not). :)

[HikingGirl]

Welcome, @Kyroptorin1. I'm 25 years out of high school, and I too wish I had received a better education about herpes back in sex-ed!! Until I met my (now ex-) husband, I always used condoms. I found out I had herpes one year after the divorce. Post-diagnosis, I was PISSED that I never knew condoms weren't going to protect me from herpes. My ex and I divorced after 16 years together and when I got my herpes diagnosis and told him, he tested negative! Okay, I'm still a little pissed. :-) A handful of encounters with condoms and I get herpes, but he shares my bed for 16 years without condoms or antivirals and he doesn't get herpes from me. Ugh!!!!

 

There are people who will look past the herpes virus and love you for YOU. The success stories on this forum alone are abundant! There are also people who will not be accepting, but that is true whether or not you have the herpes virus. We all have dating deal breakers.....herpes is just one item in a very long list of possible deal breakers.

 

Odds are strongly in your favor that the nerve pain will go away. Although I have some outbreaks now, I never did have a primary outbreak (at least that I remember--20+ years is a long time ago!). From what I've seen others describe, the first outbreak and the subsequent outbreaks in the next year will likely be more painful and frequent than several years from now as your body adjusts to having the virus. Chronic or frequent pain is going to test your resolve like few other things will, but it won't be forever!!

 

You will feel normal again. And then you won't. Then you will. Then you won't. Then you will again. :-) Someday you'll realize you feel normal even though you have herpes. And then something else will come along and throw you off-balance. Enjoy the good times when you have them, because they won't last forever. Likewise, hang in there through the bad times, because those won't last forever either.

 

Be kind to yourself. You've had a double-whammy of a breakup and a herpes diagnosis in a very short amount of time. Give yourself permission to grieve. We are here to listen if you need support. {hugs}