Dating after HSV

[H1234]

Hello. So it's officially been 1 month since my dx of H. I lost all of my confidence and self esteem. I ended up getting tinder in hopes to make myself feel desirable again. Anyways it has helped talking to guys but I always question who would still be interested after knowing about my situation. I consider trying herpe specific dating sites/apps but that sketches me out. What do you all feel like you have better luck with; dating herpe positive people or people without it. I just feel like it is going to be impossible to date someone without herpes.

[Lollyann76]

I've joined a herpes dating site, and I have to say that a lot of the men I've chatted with on there have been interested in only one thing. (Not all, but many.) I think that may be common on many of the dating sites these days. I do feel more comfortable with the idea of dating someone else with herpes, as it would ease my mind about the possibility of transmission. I'm not quite comfortable with disclosing, so that's something else that makes me more comfortable with the idea of dating someone H+. It's really a personal call, I would say. I'm not opposed to dating someone H-, I just haven't found anyone yet that I've had a good connection with and feel I can trust enough to disclose to.

[HikingGirl]

Hi, @H1234, an welcome. While I can't speak to dating because I haven't put myself out there yet (just now starting to actually consider it a possibility!), what you're feeling right now is very normal. While everyone's timeline for healing and acceptance will look different, a month post-diagnosis could mean a lot of feelings of uncertainty, sadness, shame, and isolation. Those are really tough emotions, and not easy for even the strongest among us to experience all at once!

 

One of the MANY things herpes has taught me in the past year is that I was unknowingly depending upon others for validation of my worth. I'm working on changing that, and it's the primary reason I've put dating on the back burner for now. I've noticed a common theme on this forum from those who have been/are dating and it's this: calm and confident disclosures have higher rates of success, AND how another person reacts to a herpes disclosure is not only unpredictable, but it's a reflection of their own own perspectives and experiences and has nothing to do with us. {hugs}