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Boyfriend gave me herpes-still together but hurting

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After years in an abusive marriage I began dating following my divorce. I used protection and asked the right questions and before I became intimate with my current partner I was tested for all STDs. We used condoms until he was tested for HIV because he told me he had ALWAYS used condoms and had only been intimate with four women in 30 years. In October I had my first outbreak after he came home from the beach with what he thought were insect bites in his genital area. I have never been so sick in my life and my doctor told me it was the worst case she had ever treated. We were tested; I was negative and he was positive. Our doctors said my exposure was new and his was older. A culture confirmed I have HSV 2 and I've had two more mild outbreaks. My boyfriend acknowledges he was the source of my exposure and in the discussions that followed my diagnosis he confessed that he had not always used condoms before me. We had been exclusive for more than 6 months by then and he was tested with a full panel. HSV2 was his only positive.


My issue is that although we are planning a future I feel misled and a bit like I can't trust him to tell me the truth. I know you can get herpes even with a condom but if he had told me the truth I would have insisted on more testing than just the HIV screen. I love him deeply and would have chosen to stay with him but I would have known what to expect and could have taken precautions. It also makes me wonder what else he has lied about. He did also tell me he had never had casual sex but then later told me he slept with a much younger woman a few hours after meeting her. He rationalized that it wasn't casual because he dated her a few times after.


I find myself being angry but he was so genuinely beside himself when we found out and he treats me with such love and respect that I feel I need to let go of the anger and move on with our life together. When I gave an outbreak, though, I feel the sadness and loss of my pre-diagnosis self all over again. And I hate to tell him I'm having an outbreak because it breaks his heart that I'm hurting.


I still think about my new positive status at least a dozen times a day. Is this normal? I'm also angry because I feel like the woman who

gave it to him probably knew. I think I know who it was due to some odd behavior he described on her part. I want him to be angry at her too but he's not and I know it is not healthy any way.


Any advice and thoughts are welcome.

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