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Finally told him after 2 months

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This was the first guy I've dated since my diagnosis.. everything was cool..good vibes.. we've spent a lot of time together and even took trips together..we decided we wanted a monogamous relationship .. I could tell sex was on the brain and after 2 months..I hadn't disclosed to him. So finally I do, and he just stares at the ceiling..then starts asking questions since this was my first disclosure I wasn't prepared to answer his specific questions but I did the best I could .. I then asked him if he would like me to leave (this was at night before we went to bed, we usually sleep together) and he said no. I told him I would go to the doctors to get general information. That night.. we went to sleep.. he slept facing away from me. He didn't cuddle me or anything so I get pretty awkward and knew I should of just left. Days pass by.. communication has ceased (I wanted to give him time to think about it) and finally we meet for dinner..I come prepared with my facts from the doctor but to me it seems as if he's already made up his mind and finally he tells me he can't deal with that but he'd like to be friends. His actions confused me..I seemed to be the perfect fit for him until I told him I had herpes. I was hurt, confused and sad. I stopped speaking to him as much and he hits me up to talk but doesn't understand my resistance to him..to save my feelings. A month and plus have gone by and he's still contacting me. I don't understand why..when he does it's just a consistent reminder that I have herpes and was rejected because of it.

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I think you're right, I was in lala land just hoping the disease would go away. When is a good time period to disclose? He said he did feel betrayed and I never understood that. I get that some people won't be okay with it but I'm just confused on what he wants from me? We still hang out from time to time and he makes subtle

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You are asking the wrong person for disclosure. I haven't done it yet myself. I'd say a couple weeks in. Hanging out 3-4 times perhaps. Before it gets too serious. If it is still casual, I think both sides don't feel wounded as much that early.

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I think a handful of times hanging out should let you evaluate if it could ever go further. If it could on your end, then probably best to do it before everyone is ready to go and then it is thrown out there.


It isn't fun either way. This is only hypothetical. I haven't even done it myself yet. I'm sure those that have experience can give better advice.

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I think it depends person to person to be honest and there really isn't a right answer to the "when should I disclose" question. I have been hanging out consistently with someone for about 3 or 4 months, but we've known each other for a few years now. He kept trying to take it to the next level and I would say "not tonight" or it just honestly wasn't a good time. I disclosed last week and he was ok with it. I think you need to decide when is right for you. I totally agree about wanting to get to know someone before telling them. I personally think you need to decide if the other person is worth it. Might sting a little more if it doesn't go well, but I think you need to get to know each other.


I don't get the betrayed thing either. If you didn't sleep with him without telling him, then you definitely didn't betray him. I would say read as much as you can on H and be able to answer most questions someone might have. Could put their mind at ease initially than possibly going home and looking up worst case scenarios.


But I don't think you waited too long and I don't think you betrayed him at all. If you are confused on what he wants from you, ask him. What else do you have to lose? Right?

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