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I rehearsed many times...but couldn't. I feel terrible

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This is my story. There is a special someone in my life whom I consider the "love of my life", even under weird circumstances. We have had a long friendship, nothing sexual ever happened until last year, but still it was only the foreplay phase, nothing else. We have shared many good times and really bad ones, a very special friendship, but despite the fact there was always a sexual attraction we always ended up keeping it as "friends" only. I then decided to let him go, we were probably be in that position forever. I started dating someone new, a really nice guy (I am a female...btw). He infected me last November and as you can imagine it has been really hard. He didn't know he had it. I went into a deep state of depression and he stayed by my side but not for a long time. I believe he could't take it. I would push him to go see a doctor but he always ended up canceling the appointments. All he knows about HSV 2 has been through my doctor and all the research I have done. He left me around Christmas time. I found strength with my family and friends and I am back on my feet. This diagnose changed my life in a way that I have never thought possible. It changed my life for good, but that is information for another thread. My fear was not being able to have sex again, being rejected and all that stuff you all know. I have had one bad breakout after the first one and decided to go with the suppressive therapy (500 mg a day). My situation is that as soon as I accepted my condition I stoped stressing about it. Remember my friend? Well, he showed up in my life again. There were two very clear situations when I knew we could end up finally having sex but I avoided them. I rehearsed for days how I was going to disclose the information. Finally, the moment came, I thought it was going to be again "our way" of having sex, you know...only foreplay, but this time was different and it happened so fast, I froze and didn't say anything. We used condoms, I take medication everyday and wasn't experiencing any weird symptoms at the time. This was two weeks ago and he seems fine. I know it will happen again. Some people have advised me not to tell. I feel like I should and I know he will hate me for that. What would you do? You need to know he is moving away from me in a few weeks, I don't see him as a possible partner at this point but I guess we owed each other that special moment. I, honestly, don't know what to do.

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  • 1 month later...

I know this comment is coming a little late. Hope your situation turned out okay. Forgive yourself, it not easy being in this position. I know for a fact that most of the people who do the most condemning wouldn't even think about sharing this information with someone.


If you haven't told him yet, I wouldn't if he's still scheduled to move. If you really want to share this with him I would wait for a good while (maybe a few months). Hopefully, by then he'll feel safe and doesn't have symptoms or anything. I think if you tell him too soon he may feel scared that he may have contracted it. This is very unlikely due to the fact your a woman and used protection. I've read the transmission rate if your not in an outbreak is very low for both men and women (even lower for women). Relax.


I think when enough time has passed he probably won't take it so hard. That's even if you decide to share this information. Maybe you'll change your mind, either way, it's your decision. Who's to say he doesn't already have this. You never know.


Hope this helps ease some of your anxiety.


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I would just let it go. Terri Warren (herpes expert) says most people who are going to show symptoms, will do so in 2 to 10 days. That's not to say he didn't get it, but with condoms and anti viral and basically a one night stand....its not likely you passed it on. Is he H negative that you know of for sure

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