My story and is dating on non-herpes sites ethical?

[abbyroad78]

Hello Everyone,

 

I am new to the site and have found it very helpful. I have never joined an online group like this before and am a little nervous about having a "voice" in this sub-culture of HSV-2 diagnosed people. I was diagnosed in 2006 and have spent countless hours of research online and talking to my doctors. I just recently started dating again after a break-up, it took about six months for me to get back out in the dating world. I met someone, and a couple of weeks into it, I told him about my diagnosis. The only physical contact we were having was an occasional kiss and a hug towards the end of one of our dates. Of course, telling someone about herpes is difficult, but I wanted to be honest with him from an early point. He said he was shocked, but we could work through it. I haven't heard from him since. It is quite embarrassing. Even after all these years, the rejection is still painful. We had known each other from grade school, but had met again online on a dating site.

 

I am curious to know if it is considered okay to date on sites other than STD sites? Is it ethical?

[mr_hopp]

Welcome abby road! Ah, the classic herpes and dating sites question!

 

I appreciate the integrity in the question (it's clear you want to be fair and honest; I love that!), but don't you see how even asking the question is falling victim to the stigma and the shame around having herpes? Having herpes doesn't MAKE us unethical; it's our decisions and how we choose to live our lives that does. It's those people who choose to deceive others and put them at risk without giving them the choice that is unethical. If you go on dates with people, will you disclose when you feel the time is right? That's ethical. Everyone's got baggage and skeletons in the closet. (It's called being human.) Herpes is just a simple skin condition — a genital rash. (Or as I like to call it by its greek made-up name, "acne genitalis.") ;) So where did all this negativity and stigma get slapped onto herpes anyway? Our culture, our society, our shame around sex in general. And we get to separate that shame and stigma from herpes, too.

 

Here's an article I wrote on herpes and dating sites that jumps into this further. Thanks for the question! And go out there and date! Don't hold yourself back! Love and be loved! I give you full permission. ;)

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites

[abbyroad78]

Thank you so much for your response and for the kindness of your words!! I think I will try again!!