Herpes and pregnancy

[camilo]

The woman who I apparently got herpes from said she didn't have it. But then latet told me she "rememberedc that her ex-husband had it and they were together for many years. They had a child together. So my question is when women are pregnant do they get tested for herpes? She is in the medical field so I would think she would know that if her husband had it she would have a good chance of having it and passing it on to others.

[Lollyann76]

@camilo No, herpes testing is not the standard when a woman is pregnant. I guess it could be different in each city/state, but here it isn't standard. The test is done at the patient's request, or if there is reason to suspect GHSV (such as an active outbreak). It's possible that she wasn't made aware of her ex husband's HSV status until after they were divorced and if she'd never had a noticeable outbreak, she could have assumed she didn't contract it (or was in denial that she may have...). It's possible she knew all along and was afraid to tell you, yet felt bad when you contracted it, and "remembered" her ex husband's status. There's no way of knowing for sure, and it sounds like you haven't asked her these questions. In the end, it probably won't make much difference. If she intentionally kept this information from you, it may not have been out of malice, but out of fear. As hard as it may be, forgiveness is the key to acceptance and moving forward. Forgiveness of yourself *and* her. It took me a long time to forgive the person I acquired this "gift" from (and myself), but I can tell you this... It makes a world of difference. :)

[camilo]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. How someone could not share the information if they knew it, is beyond my comprehension, regardless of the fear, knowing the ramifications. And again you're right, that I will likely never know. It's probably less about forgiving someone than it is about accepting responsibility for my own mistake. The only true way to protect yourself is to take your potential partner to a clinic and have your blood test taken right then and there, and even then there's no assurance that they're not seeing someone on the side. It would be great if this message would get out more effectively into our sex-obsessed culture.