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I disclosed Type 2 to someone with type 1,.why is mine worse than his?

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Back in September 2016, a guy, who said he was "clean", gave me hsv2. When I told him, he claimed he never had anything like that (I showed him my sore. He said his last GF never had anything like that either. It is extremely likely he gave it to me--the timing suggests so--because I had not had sex with anyone else in a couple of months and that person used protection and ended up a one time thing anyway. The guy who gave me herpes, I will call him "the giver", I was upset with because he acted like it was no big deal, and he sort of wouldn't quite acknowledge that he gave it to me. I had a pretty substantial breakout about four days after we had unprotected sex. I suppose it could have been that other guy, or someone years before, but most likely not--the timing and severity I indicating who the giver was. He was not interested in getting tested, and he still wanted to have sex with me, he said, but then he sort of faded out, and I let him go. Haven't heard from him since. I got over that without shedding a year.


A couple of months ago, I let myself get sucked into a raging sexting affair with a married man. He was someone who had been chatting with me, from time to time since sometime the previous summer (2016). He was on an online dating site that I use off and on (same site I met the giver on). Like many men online, he indicated he was married, up front. He said that his marriage was "sexless" but that he is not leaving until his last child went off to college in about a year. I said no way, but he checked in with me from time to time, to see if I might change my mind. He said he was so lonely, and missed the closeness he once had with his wife. He said he didn't feel loved. I am lonely too and have been in a sexless marriage, so I felt a compassionate connection with him. I eventually agreed to meet him, at a safe location, and we met. It was not physical, as he looked nothing like his pic (it was an old pic when he was in better shape).


He did seem like someone I could learn to like, as we clicked in conversation, and he is equal to me in terms of education and employment status. I said I couldn't do it, and we parted friends. But then, I was having some bad luck online, with guys making dates for first meeting, and then standing me up. So when he asked if I would reconsider, the next time, I finally agreed. Before we met again, he started sending dick pics and porn, which was interesting. I hadn't really looked at porn till then, as I avoid it because I'm easily desensitized. He requested pics of me, which I resisted for a while, because I don't want to be a sexting slut, and I reserve such stuff for things that have some feelings forming, at least.


So, I eventually sexted back, and it was a wild and crazy and erotic experience, and I caught some feelings, because I was hearing from him several times a day. We met in person 2 more times. The first time we just talked and made our a bit. The sexting continued and we met again. He was totally into oral and the female anatomy, which I appreciated. We did oral on each other, but when we were about to do more, I stopped him, dropping the H bomb on him. He was stunned, but he was kind. I explained I was on Valtrex, that I had only had one breakout--I got on Valtrex because of seeing him. He said that he gets cold sores, so I felt we were even, in terms of disclosure after oral but before intercourse (which we never ended up having). I felt bad because I was sort of showing disappointment that he was afraid to have full blown sex. We just embraced, I apologized, and he said if he weren't married he would not hesitate...Wait a minute, what? I thought you were in a sexless marriage?!, I said.


But I had gotten somewhat attached by then, so I ignored the fact that he was not in an entirely sexless marriage. To make a long story short, there was some drama, only in emails, as he had an ingrown hair on his privates which appeared after we fooled around, and he freaked out. He pulled away from me, I could sense it, so I tried to dump him before he could dump me, but I still felt rejected, and I lashed out at him, cussing him out for hurting me. He threatened to press criminal and civil charges against me for not telling him before oral sex. Then he apologized and I apologized. We agreed to be friends, but he's pretty much pulled away and blown me off. At least, he's stopped chasing me.


I couldn't quite convince him that I could not have caused him to have a breakout on his genitals from what we did orally. I also couldn't convince him that it was an ingrown hair. I couldn't convince him to get a blood test to see if HSV was indeed in his blood, because if it showed for type 2, at that point, he already had it, and therefore, I couldn't have given it to him. But most importantly, to me, I couldn't convince him that his having type 1, and not telling me, was just as bad as my having type 2, and not telling him, before we fooled around.


I have since quit taking Valtrex because of the expense and because I'm not seeing anyone right now, but I got an outbreak at my waist line about 2 weeks after fooling around with him. That sucks because that means I could shed the virus from any place. So no one should touch me anywhere. I assume it's type 2, but it could be type I, which I could have caught from him. I emailed him and told him, and I asked if he had any broken out areas (besides the ingrown hair, which he sent me a pic of, that had since disappeared. His response was kind of annoyed--I can tell he's just done with the whole thing. I figure the drama was draining for him, being a guy, but I wonder if he had feelings too, and if he will miss me eventually and want to reconnect--perhaps once he's divorced. Hopefully, I will have found someone else by then. He said he thought we were very compatible sexually and as friends, but that he did not want to rush giving his wife herpes, before he is ready to leave (when his last child goes off to college). Why would I even want him, knowing he said his marriage was sexless, but it is not entirely so, yet he's looking for someone to screw around with? I don't know. Also, how does he imagine he won't catch something from someone else out there? At least I know my status, which is clear if everything except HSV 2--I even got tested for HIV (and am negative) .


Not sure if anyone will get through all this, and needless to say, I will initiate an STD talk before the first dick pic is sent to me by a future potential sex partner (since all online relationships seem to start that way these days) . I broke the ice with this one, and I'm no longer scared to bring it up.

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Yeah, they are delusional, until they end up being one of the 75% of sexually active people who have either type. If everyone who has it, knew they have it, there wouldn't be such horrible stigma. And, all those people with cold sores (which I have never had, and I am 53 years old! I tested negative for type 1, in fact). I just worry this guy will think I gave it to him, once he gets something, because people lie all the time. People are inclined to believe lies rather than truth.

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