I told the guy I was dating on the 2nd date about my hsv 2

[frustratedandsad]

We went to all the same schools, he's friends with my brother's friends, have the same interests, lots of laughing and joking around, we both are looking for someone long term, and clicked very well on our first date. He was texting me nonstop and things got physical very quickly. I held off from sex because I knew if I didn't tell him my hsv-2 status it would come back to haunt me. Especially since he's a police officer. The next day we hung out again and I finally told him my status after an hour of being there and the mood really changed. He said "well thank you for being honest with me" multiple times and I told him all the facts and he asked some questions as well. I asked if this is something that bothered him and he said he doesn't know anything about it and haven't deal with this type of situation before but he will research. He later went upstairs for a long period of time and I took that as my queue to leave his place. No more kissing just a hug goodbye and I told him I wanted to give him time to think about if this is something he would be comfortable with. He was trying to be polite about this and agreed. I pretty much cried nonstop the drive home and for the past 2 days and had to leave work early and haven't eaten much but an egg a day because I feel so sad. It was a very difficult 1st disclosure for me. I sent him a text apologizing for leaving early but I wanted to give him space to think things through. I never heard back and it's the 2nd day. I was thinking of waiting until Monday to ask him what his thoughts were but I don't want to come across needy. I even saw he logged into his dating profile today even though he told me he stopped going on there. I'm just SOOO HURT. I really liked him. I'm not sure if he is still interested, thinking things through, or ghosting me?

[frustratedandsad]

Also, did I disclose too soon?

[PrettyLady]

You did nothing wrong, you were honest and you chose the time that felt right. It sounds like he is very immature and you are better off without him. He should have at least given you a chance and taken it slowly. He may come back after he has had time to realize he misses you and he made a mistake. In my experience, they usually do (not always). Also in my experience, older men seem to be much more educated, sensitive and understanding. Hang in there and don't let it get you down. Stay confident and keep searching because he is out there!

[The20percent]

Are you me??? The same thing happened to me. My guy hung in there for about a week and then got mean. Like I had done something wrong. I found out my hsv status while we were just starting to date. Through an STD screen, which he never completed. Oh well. If he isn't going to be supportive through this, certainly when other stuff comes along, he'll fly.

[FMLLFM]

You didn't disclose too soon, you wouldn't have been able to enjoy your times together with that shit lingering in the back of your head. If he'd been the right one, no matter when you said it, he would have stayed. The best thing you can do is stop contact and save your dignity. When people want to talk, they dam well know how to do so, and if they're not doing it, that should be an answer for you. Character flaw if he doesn't give you a straight answer, and he probably won't, that's how most people operate, you should be mature enough to understand that. Whenever you finally get over it, you'll realize you're stronger, although right now you won't be able to realize it.

[casi1001]

Let me tell you a little story. A little over 2 years ago I met someone through a dating site and we hit it off like you wouldn't believe. I really fell hard for this guy and quick. We talked on the phone frequently as he's a truck driver with alot of time to talk sometimes. A few weeks later he invited me over to his place for the afternoon and things started to get pretty hot real fast. I'm afraid I didn't disclose very well but I did before things went to far. We stopped with the fooling around at that point and he asked some questions that I answered as best I could and we spent the rest of the day cutting hay on his farm with me riding on the tractor with him. He was a bit distant when I left and said he needed a bit of time and I respected that.

 

Fast forward a few weeks. During this time I really only heard from him a few times and it was mostly through text. He said he was still thinking and I told him if he wanted to get a hold of me in the future he could. A few more weeks go by with no contact at all so as devastated as I was I went back to my online profile and completely rewrote it. I actually came out to everyone in my profile. I figured I wanted everyone to know before I went through something like that again. I was so surprised at the responses I got. I actually had MORE guys hitting on me then I ever did before. A few weeks later I started dating someone from the next state away and things went really well, we got engaged about 6 months in. During this time the other guy did get back a hold of me but by then I was with someone else and he didn't call me again.

 

The new guy and I lasted about 18 months total before I found out he was still seeing at least two other women he's met online. I went back to the dating site I'd met him on and subscribed for another month so I could see if his profile was still active and it was. Within 2 hours of my profile becoming active again the original guy got a hold of me again and we started talking again. By this time I had of course told my ex-fiance to take a flying "leap". The original guy and I talked daily for about 6 weeks as I had moved out of state but we started dating again as soon as I moved back to where I had originally lived. He has come to terms with my condition and we hardly ever talk about it unless I feel I might be having an outbreak. I am on antivirals as it makes him feel a bit safer but it's now been 6 months and I love him to distraction.

 

The moral I guess is that some people process information differently so you just never know. He had come to terms with it a few months after I told him but by then it was to late as I was with someone else and he knew he messed up. I think it was just in the cards for us to be together and believe me we've been making up with our sex life since we've been back together LOL. I don't plan on letting him get away again if I can help it. So hang in there and live your life. If it was meant to be who knows what will happen, it took me and my guy about 20 months apart so it really CAN happen.

 

Hold your head UP and move on with your life. Life is good and it's so much better if you can look at things in a positive way.

 

 

[Lynsi]

On 6/14/2017 at 7:49 PM, casi1001 said:

Let me tell you a little story. A little over 2 years ago I met someone through a dating site and we hit it off like you wouldn't believe. I really fell hard for this guy and quick. We talked on the phone frequently as he's a truck driver with alot of time to talk sometimes. A few weeks later he invited me over to his place for the afternoon and things started to get pretty hot real fast. I'm afraid I didn't disclose very well but I did before things went to far. We stopped with the fooling around at that point and he asked some questions that I answered as best I could and we spent the rest of the day cutting hay on his farm with me riding on the tractor with him. He was a bit distant when I left and said he needed a bit of time and I respected that.

 

Fast forward a few weeks. During this time I really only heard from him a few times and it was mostly through text. He said he was still thinking and I told him if he wanted to get a hold of me in the future he could. A few more weeks go by with no contact at all so as devastated as I was I went back to my online profile and completely rewrote it. I actually came out to everyone in my profile. I figured I wanted everyone to know before I went through something like that again. I was so surprised at the responses I got. I actually had MORE guys hitting on me then I ever did before. A few weeks later I started dating someone from the next state away and things went really well, we got engaged about 6 months in. During this time the other guy did get back a hold of me but by then I was with someone else and he didn't call me again.

 

The new guy and I lasted about 18 months total before I found out he was still seeing at least two other women he's met online. I went back to the dating site I'd met him on and subscribed for another month so I could see if his profile was still active and it was. Within 2 hours of my profile becoming active again the original guy got a hold of me again and we started talking again. By this time I had of course told my ex-fiance to take a flying "leap". The original guy and I talked daily for about 6 weeks as I had moved out of state but we started dating again as soon as I moved back to where I had originally lived. He has come to terms with my condition and we hardly ever talk about it unless I feel I might be having an outbreak. I am on antivirals as it makes him feel a bit safer but it's now been 6 months and I love him to distraction.

 

The moral I guess is that some people process information differently so you just never know. He had come to terms with it a few months after I told him but by then it was to late as I was with someone else and he knew he messed up. I think it was just in the cards for us to be together and believe me we've been making up with our sex life since we've been back together LOL. I don't plan on letting him get away again if I can help it. So hang in there and live your life. If it was meant to be who knows what will happen, it took me and my guy about 20 months apart so it really CAN happen.

 

Hold your head UP and move on with your life. Life is good and it's so much better if you can look at things in a positive way.

 

 

Hi @casi1001, I know this post is older, but recently diagnosed with HSV2 and back on the dating scene after a 15 year marriage and then year long relationship, which is where I contracted it. Wondering what dating site(s) you used?  I checked out Positive Singles and that was a bit overwhelming as I’m looking for something long-term/permanent and that site felt more like people looking to hookup casually. Thanks for sharing your positive experience. I’ve had 1 disclosure conversation so far and the relationship fizzled. My sister and I were actually just talking today about whether just stating my status in my profile would be an easier alternative to getting to know someone, developing feelings, having the disclosure convo and then being rejected - don’t know how much of that I’ll be able to handle. Staying optimistic, though!

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi, @Lynsi

I hope you are well!! 

Please know that online dating isn't your only option! I have tried Positive Singles and honestly online dating is not for me. It can be awkward and yes... It seems so many folks are interested in hook ups, which, if you aren't looking for that, can be kind of disheartening. 

You don't need to disclose to anyone right away, especially if you are disclosing our of guilt or shame. I used to disclose right away because I felt ashamed and like I had to confess my H. Now, I have learned I have nothing to be ashamed of. I disclose when I build trust with someone, someone who I trust emotionally and may want to build a physical relationship with. 

You can do this! You are beautiful and have nothing to be ashamed of. H is something you have, it doesn't have you! Anyone would be blessed to have you in their life and the right person won't even think twice about it, trust me 😊🦋🌻!!!

Sending happiness and blessings to you!! 🌼❤️💛

grace 

[Lynsi]

Thank you @Flowerteacher55!  Your words of kindness were just what I needed. I’ve had a second disclosure conversation now and it went very well. It was probably still more from a place of shame, but more so concern and wanting to be ethical and do the right thing, which is how he took it and was extremely appreciative of me telling him and accepting of learning more about it and continuing to get to know me. Feeling even more optimistic at this point!

[Honeybee82]

On 6/14/2017 at 7:49 PM, casi1001 said:

Let me tell you a little story. A little over 2 years ago I met someone through a dating site and we hit it off like you wouldn't believe. I really fell hard for this guy and quick. We talked on the phone frequently as he's a truck driver with alot of time to talk sometimes. A few weeks later he invited me over to his place for the afternoon and things started to get pretty hot real fast. I'm afraid I didn't disclose very well but I did before things went to far. We stopped with the fooling around at that point and he asked some questions that I answered as best I could and we spent the rest of the day cutting hay on his farm with me riding on the tractor with him. He was a bit distant when I left and said he needed a bit of time and I respected that.

 

Fast forward a few weeks. During this time I really only heard from him a few times and it was mostly through text. He said he was still thinking and I told him if he wanted to get a hold of me in the future he could. A few more weeks go by with no contact at all so as devastated as I was I went back to my online profile and completely rewrote it. I actually came out to everyone in my profile. I figured I wanted everyone to know before I went through something like that again. I was so surprised at the responses I got. I actually had MORE guys hitting on me then I ever did before. A few weeks later I started dating someone from the next state away and things went really well, we got engaged about 6 months in. During this time the other guy did get back a hold of me but by then I was with someone else and he didn't call me again.

 

The new guy and I lasted about 18 months total before I found out he was still seeing at least two other women he's met online. I went back to the dating site I'd met him on and subscribed for another month so I could see if his profile was still active and it was. Within 2 hours of my profile becoming active again the original guy got a hold of me again and we started talking again. By this time I had of course told my ex-fiance to take a flying "leap". The original guy and I talked daily for about 6 weeks as I had moved out of state but we started dating again as soon as I moved back to where I had originally lived. He has come to terms with my condition and we hardly ever talk about it unless I feel I might be having an outbreak. I am on antivirals as it makes him feel a bit safer but it's now been 6 months and I love him to distraction.

 

The moral I guess is that some people process information differently so you just never know. He had come to terms with it a few months after I told him but by then it was to late as I was with someone else and he knew he messed up. I think it was just in the cards for us to be together and believe me we've been making up with our sex life since we've been back together LOL. I don't plan on letting him get away again if I can help it. So hang in there and live your life. If it was meant to be who knows what will happen, it took me and my guy about 20 months apart so it really CAN happen.

 

Hold your head UP and move on with your life. Life is good and it's so much better if you can look at things in a positive way.

 

 

I'm in tears. 😢 This is exactly the kind of positive story I've been scrounging the internet for! I'm so grateful that you took the time to share this beautiful love story ❤