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HSV2+ and disclosed for the 1st time yesterday

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So I was diagnosed 25 years ago. I was 15, he was 19…he went away to college came back for xmas and gave me a gift that lasts a life time. I have only had one major outbreak and pretty much been asymptomatic for most of the time I have HV2+. I did not disclose during my youth not because I was scared or ashamed, I honestly never thought about it because it never reared its ugly head. I have also never had anyone come back and tell me they were infected and I think if they were they might have been clueless to who might have given it to them.  Anyway 7 years ago I was in a not soo good relationship, the person I was with hurt me deeply and I have abstained from intimacy for 5 years. This relationship taught me a lot about character and integrity….how important it is in a relationship. I never want to build another relationship on lies or omitting information. I never want to make choices for another person because I know how it felt to be on the receiving end.  With that said at 40 years old I meet someone who is wonderful.  We talk about everything and I feel so comfortable with him. I can relax and let him lead which if very hard for me because I am such a strong independent woman…..but it has been so nice not to have to be sooo strong all the time. For the 1st time I had this nagging feeling about disclosing to him…this would be my very 1st disclosure. I was sooo scared. We have not been intimate physically, but our conversations have been. I weighed both options….continue life as I have and play ignorant to what I have or live with integrity and give this man the best version of me.  I trolled this website for weeks reading stories….successful disclosures and not so successful.  I knew I was too scared to actually talk to him about it, so I wrote it out. I sent him a text message and told him I was going to send him an email….that I had something I wanted to tell him….but was too scared to talk to him about it so I wrote it out.  I then sent the email and  I cried.  I don’t know if it was fear, freedom, or just the fact that I care about him so much I put his wellbeing above myself and what I wanted, needed or desired.   He sent me a text back, he called me brave, and how he respected me for what I did and that he was not going anywhere. I told him that I cried when I sent him the email, he told me he was sorry that it happened to me so long ago and not get emotional over something that was not my fault. He asked me if I felt better getting my thoughts out, I told him so much better, and he said he was glad.  He even texted me that evening to tell me goodnight.  This morning I thanked him, I thanked him for listening, for being compassionate and not judging me. I thanked him for being my friend before anything else. Out of all the decisions I have made this has by far been the best.  I truly believe my honesty created a bond with this man that can never be broken, we share a new kind of intimacy built on communication and trust. It took me 40 years to arrive in a place of self-love and integrity and my reward was a  man who accepts me for me and obviously wants more than just sex.  I have never been this happy.




So those who have not disclosed, you are not the only one. Looking back over the years my intent was not to hurt other people, but it was selfish of me not to educate myself and protect others.  Do I sit hear and beat myself about it…no I don’t.  I do think however it may be why no relationship of mine ever lasted. I was not being my true authentic self…what you put out you get back in return.




To those thinking about disclosing….it is scary, but when it's said and done, you will know you did the right thing and can be proud of your self.

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