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How many people have been successful with dating those that don't have H?


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jma31964: I understand this is stressful for you. I wish I had more experience with telling others so I can offer some advice. I wanted to log on and let you know I don't think your question will go out to the group that has signed onto this website. I might be wrong, but I am pretty sure your question only came to me as a push email to my inbox (since I started the discussion question). But I will say this, you have not wasted anyone's time by getting to know them well before deciding whether it is a good romantic match (for both of you). And I fully agree not to disclose until you know whether you are taking the relationship to another level. (Why go through the stress?) However, there was someone on one of the discussions that said she discloses very quickly via text and she gave an example of how she writes it. I thought it was a good idea. I know it might seem odd since you have known her so long, (to send a text or email) but I think its doing the other a favor to be able to process it and respond when they are ready. Anyway, maybe you want to resend your question out and please email me if you think about it and let me know how the disclosure goes. I really hope its good! -Chanel

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  • 1 month later...

I noticed that this is one of the most viewed posts on the forum, which says something, I think, so I wanted to share that you can - indeed be successful in dating those that don't have HSV, even with the stigma. I think it comes down to the basis of this website and what the goal of it's message is - really an opportunity. Before I was diagnosed I had been in a serious relationship before, as well as other relationships that weren't so serious. During this time of my life I was going to therapy regularly for anxiety problems, and one of my main recurring themes was "why does this relationship thing never work out with my partners?" It wasn't until after I got diagnosed with HSV-2 that I was able to sort out my own personal problems with dating and find someone who I now live with and can honestly say I never thought I could love this much. In it's own strange way, H gave me a way of weeding out people who were not right for me. I was able to become more aware of who I was dating before going further into relationships with them, by disclosing when I chose to and how I chose to. It was kind of like a form of empowerment on my part, because I finally felt in control, even though I know when I got first diagnosed, as a lot of people fee,l it seems like the opposite of control.

When I met my current partner, I disclosed after about two months of dating, and gave him the information on HSV available on this site and others. He took his time to look into it, get himself tested to make sure he didn't already have it, and came back to me within a week to talk to me about it again. We had a serious conversation about transmission rates, and how I was taking antivirals every day, when my last outbreak was, what it was like, etc. He told me then, like he tells me now, since we see a future together it really doesn't matter to him if he gets it or not. Even if it doesn't work out, it would never be a determining factor in what split us apart. 

Before my current partner, I had three instances after my diagnosis where I disclosed and it did not work out. The first I was completely rejected and belittled for having HSV. That was the first person I disclosed to, and put me in a position where I did not want to seriously date for a while. The other two I disclosed and one politely (seriously, was very nice about it) declined as it was not looking to be serious anyway. The second had no problems and we were in a relationship for several months before it ended for completely unrelated reasons.  

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  • 2 years later...

My late husband of 25 years never got H from me. I've always disclosed as I've had ghs2 for almost 35 years. I've never passed it on that I'm aware of. I've remained friends with most of the people from my past. The right person isn't going to care about H

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