Am I doing something wrong? Need some advice

[Shootingstar5]

I keep telling myself that its not the world you live in but the way you look at it that determines happiness. And i will be honest, changing the people i let into my life has REALLY helped me be happier and wiser. But Im still frustrated with this generations egocentricism and lack of commitment when it comes to relationships. I used to have casual hookups once in a while, but as soon as I contracted H I stopped. I realized how upset I am with modern dating culture.

Ive been rejected twice now since contracting it 10 months ago from an ex that lied to me about his status then left me. After that, the first time I was rejected in a relationship bc of H he said he was a germophobe, which didn’t seem like the truth because he was very unkempt and his apartment was always dirty. The second relationship, he said he was okay with it and wanted to continue our relationship, then we had sex. Four days later ghosted me and didn’t talk to me again except to say that we rushed into things too quickly. Im a 22 year old senior in college and I usually only date men about 3-5 years older than me in order to stay out off the college scene. I usually blame it on maturity, but now I’m developing trust issues. I don’t want to become part of the noncommittal problem I hate so much, but given my history (contraction and in dating) I have no hope for successful disclosures.

Even after I educate them about the facts and open up to them, they still lie to me about why they want to break up OR they simply stop talking to me altogether, and I can’t help but take that personally. They don’t see past the disease and I become objectified as part of it. Once is tough but multiple rejections really takes a toll. I don’t want to close myself off to people but I don’t want to be constantly rejected or "prude" (which I've been called many times) when they wonder why I won’t have sex with them. Any words of wisdom for a lady that has had NO success so far? l feel like its a constant battle between making the logical choice or making the emotional choice, and logic usually wins.

[HikingGirl]

I'm twice your age and also wondering how I'll fit into the modern dating scene! I've had a few casual relationships in the past, but my diagnosis over a year ago has made me realize that I'm not interested in something casual anymore. I suspect I'll also be viewed as a prude by some men who expect sex by the third date, and that's okay. That just means we're not going to be a good fit and it frees me up to meet someone new. What's the worst thing that could happen? I cry for a few hours or days and then go back to my happy, fulfilling, single life? Their loss.

 

Ultimately, we rarely know the real reason someone rejects us. Rejection can be painful, don't get me wrong, but it has FAR more to do with that person's life experiences, beliefs and perspectives than anything you could say or do or have.

 

Don't give up just yet. Dating is a numbers game, and with over 7 billion people on our planet, many high quality potential partners are still out there. Meanwhile, nurturing your existing friendships and enjoying the hell out of life the way it is right now really helps. {{hugs}}