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This waiting game is pretty horrible...

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After being diagnosed, I told myself I'd die alone with 100 cats, but that just isn't really what I want. I'd like to have a nice relationship. I'm 33 and not getting any younger, so three months after being diagnosed and suffering through feelings of self-loathing, I signed up for a free dating app (a vegetarian dating app just to see who might be out there with the same interests as me - I was not expecting to talk to anyone much less agree to meet someone). As it turned out, I matched with a really cute guy, we started talking, and we figured out we had a lot of things besides being vegetarian in common. My sister (who knows my whole story) suggested that I should just get coffee with him because herpes shouldn’t dictate my life, so I did, and he's great: handsome, principled, athletic, intelligent, funny AND we have lots in common. We hit it off, and there was definitely chemistry. It was a 4-hour date and he didn't want me to leave, but I had dinner plans so I had to. We made plans to get dinner the following weekend, and I knew I needed to tell him. I didn’t want to waste his time or mine. I agonized about it all week, reading disclosure success and failure stories on here and going through in my head what I’d say. After a really nice dinner, I got up the nerve to say "there's something I need to talk to you about." He could tell it was serious. I told him that my ex gave me herpes 3 months ago, the kind I have is type 1, he might already have it because up to 90% of people have it in some form, doctors don’t test for it when you ask for a full STD panel (which I continue to feel is unconscionable), and 25% of people have some kind of genital herpes (I tried to keep it short and not get too emotional, though I did tell him I really cared about him and this was my first disclosure). I could see in his eyes that he was terrified and taken aback (as I would have been had someone told me prior to my diagnosis!). He'd never had to deal with an STD disclosure before. He asked me some questions about how I got it and what it’s been like, and then he relaxed a bit. We kept talking for 3 hours about all kinds of things, he kissed me multiple times, thanked me for telling him, told me he thinks I'm really special and he just needs some time. His response was totally reasonable, but now I'm in limbo, waiting to find out if he'll ghost me, reject me, or agree to keep getting to know me. He’s a triathlete, and the simple truth is that having genital irritation/outbreaks would be a real issue for him with all the long hours on bikes, in wetsuits, etc. If he tells me it’s something he just can’t deal with, I know I shouldn’t be discouraged…but I will be. I've dated a lot of people, and I haven't felt this compatible with someone or liked someone this much in many years. This waiting game is pretty horrible.

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I can definitely relate . I have been seeing this amazing guy after 9 months online dating. We met and instant sparks met each other's fam, our kids, inseparable....then one month in I find out I have type 2. I told him immediately, thought he'd tell me to leave his house or something . But he was sweet sympathetic, appreciated my honesty and bravery. We slept together without condoms from beginning and even after I told him. I'm on Valtrex. All was fine then he decided he needed time and space. It's been 3 weeks. It's like a roller coaster. I love this guy and just want it to go back to before all this. I'm not sure how much time is enough but I'm really hurting and trying to just continue with life. Good luck, I guess it comes down to you are worthy, this doesn't define you. If he's not ready then there's better out there

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@Onedayworthit that doesn't make me feel any better! I'm really sorry - no one deserves to be ghosted, whether because of herpes or anything else. I think it just goes to show you that it can happen for a variety of reasons, and it has nothing to do with what you're worth as a person.


Thanks for your message @laphay. My situation definitely hasn't gone on as long as yours, but I can empathize. Waiting for an answer is so hard. I hope your guy comes around soon and realizes he could be missing out on something great if he bails. And even if he doesn't, you're right - it has nothing to do with who you are.

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