Herpes talk time!

[starry_eyed]

Hi everyone i was diagnosed w genital herpes at the end of feb. i met someone this weekend and we spent three nights cuddling and he wanted to have sex with me which i declined. Sooo its time to disclose. Its a monday i wont see him until thurs or fri night should i wait to have the talk until i see him or should i tell him over the phone? Does it not matter? Im worried but if he doesnt want to date me im sure well still be friends so i shouldnt be too nervous.

 

Also im confused about recurrent outbreaks. What are they like? Do u form blisters? Or is it much more mild?

[mr_hopp]

In person is always better than over the phone. It's an intimate talk, vulnerable. Having it over the phone just doesn't have the connection you'd want to have with such a vulnerable thing to share. Have you read the e-book on the herpes talk yet? http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

And recurrent outbreaks are different for every person because every person's physical makeup/chemistry is different, their health is different, what they eat, stress levels, etc. But outbreaks get less and less severe/frequent with time as your body builds up natural immunity (antibodies) to the virus.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

I agree with Adrial, in person is always better. What's the rush? I sounds like you had a great time together getting to know each other. Everyone has "stuff" and that gets shared as the intimacy develops in a relationship. It can be so easy to see herpes as a deal breaker but there are all sorts of dealbreakers. For some it's smoking or having children or having tattoos or whatever. Sharing that you have herpes can be a very intimate moment because you obviously want to move this relationship to the next step, so how awesome is that? Read the e-book because there is some awesome stuff in there. Know your facts and know that you are a person of integrity because you are taking the time to tell your partner about this and giving them the option to decide how they feel about this. It speaks volumes as to your character. If nothing else, maybe this gives you an excuse to enjoy some more of those cuddles before things move to the next stage. I don't know about you, but the cuddles are the best, so enjoy!! :)

 

Hugs, Brenda

[Atlantic]

I agree that in person in best, and also that your relationship with him and outcome may benefit from some more time just getting to know him and exploring the potential relationship, before jumping into the physical side. Ask yourself: How do you feel about him?

 

I've disclosed only once, and in my case, I had spent a couple of months getting to know the person before disclosing. It allows you to establish a bond and friendship, that makes disclosing easier and can help with the result.

 

When you do disclose, start off the talk by focusing on how much you like him and how attracted you are to him. Be prepared with answers to common questions, and statistics. Try to ask him about his questions, and how he feels (try not to ramble a 10 minute long science lecture on the virus). Be authentic and vulnerable, focus on the connection with him, and regardless of what happens, he will have no choice but to admire your integrity and strength.

[mr_hopp]

Nice, Atlantic and Whoopsi! I love what you have to add to this convo. :)

 

And starry_eyed, check out this post-disclosure handout for all the need-to-know stats so you don't have to memorize all of them. This allows you to really be in the moment in the disclosure conversation instead of having to be in your head.

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout