Herpes rejection reversal? Happen with anyone else?

[Bobby1187]

So a very unexpected thing happened this weekend. A girl who rejected a relationship with me due to H back in November texted me saying she misses me, has thought a lot about things, and just needed more time to process it all. Now she wants to go ahead and try to ease back into a relationship and see where things go. On one hand this is exciting since I did really like this girl. But at the same time, I'm conflicted. Her rejection months ago sent me into a spiral of depression with lots of nasty feelings about myself and my H. I had since dug my way out of that and back to self confidence (thanks in large part to this great community among others), but after seeing her and spending time with her this weekend I find myself not feeling 100% comfortable. I guess I'm just nervous I'm opening myself up to getting let down again because of this if she gets freaked out again down the road if/when things get more serious. So I'm wondering, has anyone else ever had a scenario play out like this? And if so, was the partner truly accepting this second time around? I understand every situation is different, as are people, but this whole thing has me kind of confused and so I wouldn't mind getting some perspectives from people who share my point of view. Thanks!

[mr_hopp]

It sounds like that spiral of depression in response to her rejection was actually good for you overall. Rejections like that help us realize that our worth isn't tied up in whether someone else says yes or no to us. No one can make us feel bad about ourselves other than us. That's the healing that happens from having herpes: Initially we feel like it's going to be a quest to find someone else to accept us, when really it's a quest for us to finally accept ourselves.

 

If you are feeling uncomfortable because you're afraid she'll reject you again (double jeopardy, folks!), that's one thing. You've proven to yourself you can survive that and recover from it I imagine stronger than how you were previously. How do you feel about this woman now after hanging out with her? Take herpes off the table for a second. How do YOU feel about HER? :)

[Bobby1187]

I definitely agree Adrial. I think the pain from that suffering forced me to find my new-found self acceptance. It was either find it or remain miserable, and there's really no contest between those two options! And like you suggest, with being ok with my herpes I don't expect rejection to feel quite as painful in the future as a result. (And again, the advice and perspectives you and others on this site have given me a few months ago really did help me get to a better mindset, so thank you!)

And I also appreciate you posing those questions about this current, unexpected situation. I need to focus on those as well as have a more full, direct conversation with her about her true intentions. (There's nothing like herpes to force good communication!haha) But at least I know however the discussion turns out, I'll be alright!

[Indy_Nina]

Hello Bobby! I am Nina. New here but not to Herpes.

 

Piggybacking off of what Adrial said: Herpes or not, people can flake out. Herpes or not, people can grow. Herpes or not, life is meant to be lived.

 

Just do it. Go with your gut. Worst that happens is that you now know a few more things than you did before (that is always a GOOD thing!)

 

Today you know the following:

 

1) After an initial rejection, someone can change their mind

 

2) Open and honest communication is key (in any friendship or relationship, Herpes or non)

 

Anything after that is an opportunity to learn! Right? :) As long as you learn from your mistakes, you are growing and you will have more "lessons learned" to add to your life.

 

If this opportunity to get to know a woman who came to you asking for a second chance doesn't pan out. No biggie. There is a reason. Believe me. When it comes to matters of the heart, it is ALWAYS a gamble. Prior to herpes, would you have given her a second chance if some other thing (insert reason here_______) had made her reject you?

 

Just a little something to think about. Sending all kinds of positive vibes your way! Keep us posted. :D

 

Adrial - yes yes and yes about our quest to accept ourselves. Refreshing to hear such wisdom... So very very true.

[lelani]

I'm with Adrial and Indie and think just go for it...see how it pans out. You have to work out how you feel about her...she's grown over this time too. It is a big thing to accept and be prepared to to work together with Herpes for a non Herpes partner (have been there and I ended up contracting it). You may not have disclosed to her in way that supported he to make the decision because of your fear of rejection/lack of knowledge/ lack of acceptance of yourself (they all impact on how you tell someone) She's needed time to work this all out...and she will have been looking at everything about you - and has decided you are worth the risk - that's pretty great!

 

You might get hurt again...? You could do...but you could get hurt by someone else not liking your personality, your hair or any number of things about you other than the skin condition you have. It's worth the risk :-)

 

Let us know how you get on???? x

[ellemmell (previously effe]

Adrial, I understand what you are saying when you say "Rejections like that help us realize that our worth isn't tied up in whether someone else says yes or no to us.", and that is so incredibly powerful. That is total freedom. I know that's the way I should look at things, but I guess I just don't love myself enough to feel that way. I really do wish I could have the same outlook as you, but I don't know how. So much depression and self-hatred, horrible feelings that are hard to escape. I still wish I could meet someone in real life who has it. I pray for the courage to disclose to someone one day, but I don't know if I will ever be able to. I am just too scared and feel I need acceptance from others. Will this horrible cycle ever end? Why can't I love myself? I wish I could be like you, Adrial in terms of thinking so positively. But I'm just not there yet. I just hope one day I will be able to find happiness, even with this horrible condition.

 

Love, Effemmell