Baby steps toward healing from herpes

[CR_19]

So I've been having ups and downs in regards to my herpes diagnosis as of lately. Of course herpes has brought up some other insecurities in my life that I had never dealt with and now I have to face full on. However, one of the things that's had me feeding into negative feelings is my "relationship" with the guy who gave this to me. There was never an actual relationship between us but I thought he'd be more supportive. I've tried several times to meet up but he's backed out.

 

Earlier this week I talked to Adrial about it and he said that I needed to take back the control. I'm allowing this guy to control my emotions and feelings. Reflecting on Adrial's comment I realized how true this is. There's more to the story with this guy but most of those other details have to do how he has been in control this whole time.

 

So now to the baby step. I've deleted all his contact information out of my phone. There's no way to contact him and I'm claiming control. I'm focusing on how I can change my feelings about what happened and how I'm going to make myself okay. Obviously this won't change overnight but like I said it's a baby step.

 

Just wanted to share that with y'all since it's the middle of the night and I just had an epiphany. Also a big thanks to Adrial, it took me a while but what you said finally hit me. Hopefully this will be a good step forward.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Congratulations CR_19!! I am so proud of you for taking that step. As the saying goes, even if you are making slow progress, you are much better off than those who are making no progress. Herpes really is a great opportunity. It doesn't feel like it at first, but as you are finding out, it brings up other stuff you have not dealt with to this point. It can be that one thing that pushes you to face some of the parts of yourself you haven't wanted to deal with. It can really be the thing that helps you to begin a growing and healing process that will make your life so much richer. You also have the wonderful opportunity of meeting so many amazing people along the way and you gain a new sense of compassion and understanding that you may not have had otherwise. Thank you so much for sharing your epiphany and for joining our family. :)

 

Brenda

[Beckie]

Congratulations on taking empowered action!! Now there's room in your phone for someone really awesome ;)

[CR_19]

Thank you ladies!! I'm so lucky to have found this wonderfully supportive community so soon after my diagnosis. Reading your stories & experiences as well as talking to some other wonderful people in this community has really helped to not feel as alone. Sure there are those moments in which I forget about everyone else who has herpes and I feel alone but coming on here reminds me that others have not allowed it to define them so why should I? Everyone is truly inspirational!

[ellemmell (previously effe]

Dear CR_19,

I can understand. My herpes infection was so severe it landed me in hospital. The guy who gave it to me didn't disclose, and told me it "wasn't a big deal", meanwhile I was suffering tremendously. He would complain that he couldn't have sex with me because I wasn't healing fast enough. He said he was going to another province after that, but instead he stayed, didn't tell me, and I suspect he was was having sex with other girls. I saw him randomly at a party after a girl told me she was hanging out with him all week. I had no idea. While he lied to me and said he went away, I was sexually assaulted and attempted suicide resulting in another hospital stay. When he saw me and I cried on a hill, he did not give a crap about me.

 

So I understand what it's like to have a horrible story behind this. I'm still trying to heal the horrible wounds and trauma this has caused. I am only at the beginning of my process of dealing with my feelings when it comes to him. I messaged him recently online and asked if we could talk. I want to have some closure on all this, it was the most traumatizing experience of my life.

 

Baby steps, we can do this, together, with our support. :x

 

Love,

Effemmell

[CR_19]

Wow Effemmell,

 

I really appreciate your courage to speak out about your ordeal. I really hope that he'll step up and talk to you. I understand the need for closure and wanting the other person just to do the right thing for once.

 

Can I just say that there's an amazing difference in how you're dealing with this now compared to your earlier posts! The positivity on this forum is so ridiculously contagious! :-bd I know that all that pain is still there but just that step in admitting it exists has changed the views in your posts. I'm so excited to see you start to heal! Let me know what happens with this guy.

 

Looking forward to healing together :)

 

Hugs!

CR_19