Disclosure with a jokester???? Help!!

[Marie89]

Hi all! Ive had HSV1 since I was 19, I'm now 27. I've only disclosed 3 times, and only 1 has turned me down. I'm in a position now where I've met a really great guy, but he is one of those people that kind of joke about herpes. Not all the time, but there have been a few times where he has brought it up in casual conversation as a joke. Is this someone I want to disclose to?! I mean, he really is great and I like him a lot, but I also do not want to tell him if he is going to make a joke out of it! Anyone ever deal with this? Any help would be much appreciated!!!

[HikingGirl]

Hi, @Marie89. Another way of looking at it might be to ask yourself, "Would I trust this person with personal/sensitive information NOT related to herpes?" Has he demonstrated the ability to have a serious conversation, or is everything made into a joke? Do you get the sense he's just trying to be funny and herpes is an easy subject for jokes, or have you noticed he uses a lot of humor to make jabs at others and at you?

 

Personally speaking, someone who made a herpes joke probably wouldn't be a deal breaker because most people just don't realize how common it is. Sometimes a joke is just a joke and the person is trying to use humor to impress or gain social acceptance.

 

The other side of the coin though is that sometimes people use jokes to mask pain or deep insecurities, or use it as a tool of aggression.

 

How this person handles other serious topics may give you the best clues, but either way, always trust your gut. My favorite book of all-time, "The Gift of Fear," talks a lot about honoring our intuition and explains how it works. Our brains notice everything, even if we're not aware of it consciously, and synthesizes all of the information it has absorbed in our lifetime to give us feelings of intuition. So even if I can't articulate why I feel a certain way, or feel stupid or silly for it, it's still worth listening to.

 

Good luck!