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A Rough Week: First Outbreak, Diagnosis, Telling a Partner, and QUESTIONS!


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First let me say I am grateful for finding this community of helpful people because I have felt incredibly isolated, distraught, and scared of my body within this past week. If you're reading this, I would really appreciate some guidance after receiving my HSV-1 diagnosis...

 

About two weeks ago my new partner and I had unprotected sex after I asked if he had been tested... He said yes and that he was clean. Therefore, I am one of the unlucky people who got H from someone who has never had any symptoms. As I have read a lot about H this past week, I realized this could have either been transmitted from him going down on me or the even smaller chance viral shedding during genital during sex.

 

I started noticing symptoms two days after we had unprotected sex. My lymph node in my groin was swollen, and I started to get itchy. The day after, small bumps started to form and I grew even more concerned. Trying not to self-diagnose, I told myself that maybe I had a UTI and bad ingrown hairs... Then I grew in more and more pain, sores started to grow, had abnormal discharge, and I was crying in pain when using the bathroom. So then I really started connecting what this could possibly be. Upon many Google searches based on my symptoms, I had already convinced myself before I went to the doctor that I had H. The doctor agreed with examination, and my lab results came back as HSV-1 positive.

 

This past week has been filled with many tears, fear of not being able to ever feel like myself again, and like I've lost control of my body. I am 23 and this was only my fourth partner (with this being the first time ever not having protective sex). I have struggled with self-confidence issues my entire life, and it was not until I was 22 that I lost my virginity, and it has been devastating to me that not even two full years of being sexually active, this has happened to me. I feel like I will never feel comfortable with my body or feel sexy again. I already have a hard time opening myself up, both physically and mentally, to people in potential relationships, and this is going to make it 100x harder.

 

I told the partner what happened this past week, who was in shock, as he had been tested, but because he had never had symptoms of H, clinics do not do blood tests. This was incredibly difficult because we have just started dating and I don't understand how our chemistry will ever be rebuilt when (even after the outbreak is completely over) H will be in the back of both of our heads.

 

It has been 5 days since my diagnosis, and 12 days since my symptoms started. The valtrex medication and learning to pour water over the infected area while using the bathroom has helped, and I am no longer in pain. I know the physical side of this disease will heal and be relatively easy to manage going forward, but it's the mental shame and stigma that I am struggling with. I have done a lot of research and been surprised at how common this is, but still, falling into the dumb societal expectation that this is something to be embarrassed of. Hoping this also heals with time...

 

Needing space and seeking answers I can't seem to find anywhere on the internet, I have come here with some questions I'm hoping you all can help me with:

 

- I have HSV-1, with only a genital outbreak. Would it be possible for me to spread it by kissing?

- Since my partner that transmitted it to me has never had symptoms, yet I got genital HSV-1, does this mean that I could still later get oral HSV-1 from kissing him or going down on him? Am I more susceptible to oral H?

- Can I not receive oral sex now with genital HSV-1? First, with my partner that has symptomless H, will he get symptoms on his mouth from this even with a long period without an outbreak? Secondly, will I have a high risk of spreading it to someone without H if they went down on me (presuming long time no outbreak)? Lastly, is the risk of spreading when receiving oral sex way lower with suppressive therapy? Or is this the end of oral sex for me?

- With no oral symptoms, can I possibly transmit H by giving oral sex to a clean partner?

- I'm still not sure how I feel about disclosure, because I don't plan on having sex with anyone new for a very long time... but reading up on suppressive therapy and using condoms cutting transmission rates to extremely lower amounts than sleeping with people who have H and not knowing it, how do people usually go about this? Especially if you use a condom and haven't had an outbreak in a really long time?

- Feeling like I will have to disclose in the future due to my anxious personality, I would love to hear some ways people use to tell new partners about H, if they choose to do so, and diverse reactions from new partners.

 

 

THANK YOU ALL!!!!

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