Had sex unprotected without disclosing I have herpes

[PSALMS121]

I have had herpes for 8 years and go into a relationship a year ago. Without telling him I have it we've been having sex unprotected. I knew I had to tell him but didn't know how. I made up a lie and told him my ex gave it to me and he needed to get tested. He was upset but accepted it and told me to be upfront with him about everything; he loved me. I felt like **** because I kept it from him, made up a lie and he still acceoted me.We continued on in the relationship however, recently broke up because of trust and communication issues. To add more insult to injury we haven't talked to each other in 3 weeks, I have a very close relationship with his family and go to the same church. I know he still loves me and it's possible that we may become intimate again. I don't know if I should tell him the truth whenever we converse or just let it be and be honest with myself and next person. THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR ADVICE; greatly appreciated.

[lelani]

Oh dear...yes lies have a way of catching up on us and making us feel like shit (we think they will protect us and/or the other person but they don't) . So I am assuming the lie was about contracting it from your ex??? What is the truth?...I am a bit confused.

 

Basically if you want to be in a loving and successful relationship there is no room for dishonesty. He will be feeling very betrayed and rightly so...your withholding of this information risks his health and makes him think that he can't trust you.

 

He may still love you but be prepared to let him go...loving someone and trusting someone should go together but in this case that is not what is happening for him...he needs to be able to trust you. If he doesn't have trust with you then why would he want to be with you? I may sound harsh but trust is the cornerstone of a relationship, it you don't have it there is no relationship - hence the break up.

 

You need to give him space and time...kahlil Gibran sums this up "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't it never was".

 

My advice...stop lying, graciously understand his feelings and accept the consequences of your lies. You have to be honest from now on if you don't want to facing the same dilemma again with him or anyone.

 

It's scary telling someone, believe me I know! I am with someone who doesn't have Herpes and he loved me more for my honesty and courage in telling him.

 

I wish you well...we all make mistakes and they are often painful..please learn from this one.

 

[PSALMS121]

Thank you sooo much! Your thoughts were the truth and encouraging. I will be more honest and upfront in the next relationship. Just didn't know how to handle it because I know we are going to see each other again and possibly one day hit it off again.

[ellemmell (previously effe]

I understand, I am going through the exact same thing. It's okay, I am going to have to spend some time away from him and maybe accept the fact that I may never see him again. I really don't know what to do. It was just supposed to be a casual sex thing. Well, I guess that might be over now, but I've never disclosed to anyone before, even my therapist. It seems I'd rather infect someone and then deny it was me and run away. I can't even be honest about it. Sorry I know this is absolutely horrible but I have really no way to do it. So I guess I'll just be alone for a while--no other options left now. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough. Until then I'll just have to keep making up excuses for why I can't see him anymore :(