How did YOU get herpes?

[Taramore]

I got it when I married my second husband in 1996 - he didn't bother to tell me he had it, and although we had been intimate before we married, I didn't get any symptoms until a month after the wedding.

When I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said that he hadn't been bothered by it for years, and that I couldn't get it anyway if we weren't having sex during an outbreak. He was a medical man, so I was horrified at his ignorance.

He divorced me three years ago (he was abusive and was one of those people who are wonderful to everyone else but complete monsters at home - he was also messing about with my "best friend"). I stayed with him longer than I should have, partly because I suffered horribly for years with extraordinary symptoms and thought I would never shake off the depression and the pain (physical and mental).

Now I am ready to begin to trust again, and am faced with the prospect of disclosure. I have been trying online dating, have disclosed early on and have either not heard back, have been insulted, or have had a polite no-thank-you. A couple of men said that they had it too, but never disclosed, and that disappointed me, as you can imagine! Neither turned out to be compatible anyway.

I have now met someone online who is so very appealing to me. He lives at quite a distance, so meeting him won't happen for a while - we write lots back and forth, he comes from the same country as me so we have a lot in common, understand each other's sense of humour, and want the same things. I am dreading telling him, and feel that I should get it over with, but a friend I confided in said I should wait until we actually meet. Waiting that long seems to me to be equal to stringing him along.

Anyone have any thoughts? By the way, I am 59 so do feel that time is rushing by, even if I don't feel or look anywhere near that.

Thanks!

[K_Marie]

I got it at age 17, I was dating this guy and he basically forced me (held me down and took my virginity) I lost my virginity and got herpes the same night. Just my luck. Two weeks later I was in the ER with my mother . Having the worst pain, not knowing what it was. I cried when the doctor told me what was wrong with me. I couldnt believe that it happened to me. But I just decided to put it in Gods hands and let him be my healer. I have never shown any symptoms after the first time. I only had an outbreak when I was first infected. At 18 I met another man and I told him I have the herpes virus. He accepted me and now at 22 I have a 3yr old son now who does not have herpes and i had him vaginal. The relationship ended after almost 5yrs but I know I am still a great woman to have. I know I have alot to offer and I refuse to allow this skin condition hold me back from any happiness I can have in my life.

[mumof6]

My ex disclosed to me (in a roundabout way...I worked it out for myself) that he has herpes, and frankly, it was not a big issue to me because I love HIM, and if that is part of the package, so be it. I could say it doesn't change who he is, but unfortunately, it does because he beats himself up about it constantly when really there is no need to. He lets it eat him up and ruins all aspects of his life. I still love him, and always will, and will wait for the day he wakes up and realises that he is loved unconditionally. I don't think I have herpes, but I haven't been tested either. Maybe I will, just for peace of mind. So, please do disclose to others so they can make their own decision with this. You may be surprised, and if you get a negative response, that person probably wouldn't support you later anyway :)

[Rin]

I don't know who I got herpes (type2) from or when exactly to be honest. My outbreak was so extremely mild that I thought it was just chafing. I am a senior in college and haven't had a boyfriend since the 11th grade. I have however had multiple partners throughout the last 6 years. Lets face it...it's college, right?

I don't want to have to give that exact explanation to a guy when I say hey I have herpes. Lots of other people have gotten it from a long term partner. I got it from...well who knows where. I already had enough self esteem issues from not having a bf for almost 6 years so I am sure this isn't going to help that situation....Is it better to use a herpes dating site or just date like normal? My friend who is a physicians assistant told me that I can just have sex with whoever I want and it should be fine if he uses a condom. Part of me wants to do that because I love sex. But the other part of me remembers crying a week ago when I found out I have hsv2. Its really bothering me right now too because I have 3 female housemates and 2 of them have been having sex non stop (like every night and non discretely) and it just doesn't seem fair. I am so confused.

[maria33]

I was molested and I had my first outbreak at the age of nine

[WCSDancer2010]

@maria33

 

Hello and welcome!

 

I just want to send you a big (((((HUG)))))) and let you know that you are among friends here... you have found the perfect place for understanding and support friend.....

 

Peace ....

[jaynine87]

I got h2 from a guy I was dating a few years ago who failed to tell me. He tried to blame it on me but I NEVER had an outbreak until a few weeks after we first slept together (unprotected. It sucks having to learn the hard way.) He treated me like complete crap, but I stayed because I didn't think I would find anyone again. Luckily I learned that wasn't and leaving him was probably the best decision I ever made.

[lovelucky]

My ex didn't tell me, he had an outbreak, it was dark, he didn't say anything.

He continues to behave this way, cheats on his current girlfriend. It absolutely KILLS me that someone could do this, but I"m working on letting go. Most days I don't think about it anymore b/c I don't have outbreaks. I do however, think about him, and get really mad. Trying to let go of that anger is proving to be one of my life goals, and accepting that he is not going to change is another one.

[KPonyo23]

I got it five years ago when I lost my virginity and no my partner of the the time did not disclose to me and honestly I think he gave it to me on purpose so believe me I understand how you feel and I was in denial a really long time about it and I even had sex with somebody else but I don't think hanging on to this anger is the right thing to do its hurting you more than anybody else and also think about the way you feel right now do you really want other people to feel that way? People who honestly have nothing to do with the reason you have herpes? Thinking about this is how o accepted it and I now know that I would never ever want to have sex with anybody again with out telling them first. Even though we both have had partners who were assholes because they ddnt tell us we still have to accept responsibility for our actions you can't blame it all on them nobody forced us yo have sex (unprotected sex in my case) therefore Parr of the responsibility belongs to us....but belive me it gets better....I actually just did my first disclosure (kinda) about 2days ago and its a relief to not have to hide it

[KPonyo23]

I really hope you don't hold on to this as long as I have . ....5yrs is a terribly long time and I was extremely depressed...

[WCSDancer2010]

@kdavis

 

I got mine when I lost my virginity too ... it's probably not uncommon.... when we are young and looking for our first love we just plain don't know better and we are easily duped. I've had it 35 years now and I don't begrudge the guy ... I was just young and dumb ... I own that and I've moved on a loooong time ago :p

[Peggy]

I was diagnosed with herpes 15 months ago... I was married for 12 years and then divorced,,then in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for eight years. As if that was not enough I was date raped last year as well...I was told by the Dr. that I had HSV1 HSV2 and gonorrhea WOW!!!! what a lovely cocktail that was!!!! And I was a monogamous good woman. The reason I am giving such details is to let you know I was devastated I never thought this would happen to me! I wanted to hide forever and tell no one. But I had been dating a man for a couple of months I knew he did not give it to me because I had what I thought was razor burn before I met him. I had also dated 2 other men in the prior 6 months before that...so did it cross my mind not to say anything? To not disclose? Briefly but then I remembered that someone had done this to me and changed my life forever. I would never want to be responsible for altering someone's life forever just so I could feel loved and accepted. Just so I could enjoy physical pleasure for a while? Knowing in my mind that it would be based on a lie? Knowing in the back of my mind that I chose to destroy an innocent persons life? I had to disclose to 3 different men I called them crying and blaming them! I also called the ex abusive playboy and accused him! guess what they all tested negative!!! Imagine my surprise! And Boy did I want someone to blame!!!!.......So what about now? I don't care who it was they obviously have it too! It is a skin rash and nothing more...I am worthy of love and affection and if I disclosed and sent them running well I deserve better right!! I believe that if you don't have honesty you don't have anything....I could hide all of this from everyone but then I would have no authenticity as a human being......My life would be a fraud....I have lived that life and I would rather die than go back there again...My point in saying all of this is we all have our story. We were all shocked and devastated and broken when we were diagnosed with herpes....for me life is about so much more I don't know you but I know you deserve to be loved for the awesome person that you are I am so proud of you for joining the forum and I would love to hear more about your progress..One final note I have been blessed to be part of the Hopp weekend seminar twice it is life changing!! Imagine Adrial he could have kept his experience with herpes to himself...instead look at what he has created and all the lives that he has touched! Because he simply did not want anyone else to suffer....remember you have the power...NOT HERPES.