Haven't been tested for herpes yet, but...

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

I'm pretty sure it is H. It started back in November 2011. I started itching down there and a week later I found a bump. I freaked out, and had an appointment set to go see what it was. But I never went, too scared and ashamed. It went away after three days. And it would itch every so often. That stopped in January 2012. I still thought I had it, so I told myself I wouldn't date anymore. Everything was fine until the other day I found a bump, it doesn't hurt that much, but it itches! I hate myself for what I have and I'll get into it on how I got it later on. I need to go get checked but no one to go with me for moral support. Too ashamed to say anything, (family full of judgemental people) I have thought about killing myself multiple times because of this. I need someone to talk to.

Btw, My name is Lindsay, and I'm 22 years old.

 

[ellemmell (previously effe]

Hi Lindsay, I'm 23 years old and I've been living with H for over 5 years. Honestly, you don't even know if you have it or not yet, so no need to be alarmed. One time I thought I had it and I found out from the doctor that it was only razor burn! So you never know until you know, right? It could be something else. When I got my first outbreak, it was so severe I had to be hospitalized for over a week and put on a morphine drip. So in comparison this doesn't seem so bad. Like I said, wait and see what happens. Well, the people here in this community are here for moral support. I'm just trying to get over things myself. I have H for sure, and I'm dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil at the moment. I've thought about killing myself too, but remember, it isn't worth it! You don't know if you have H, but even if you do, there are ways to manage this disease. I've been learning about different perspectives lately. I know it's hard to think you will ever be okay if you have it, and I've felt that way too, but remember, take it easy. You are not a bad person, nor should you feel ashamed. Lots of fantastic, loving, caring, intelligent, and talented individuals have this disease. I need to remember that it does not make anything less of me, and how I feel about myself belongs to me only, and no one can take that away from me--ever.

 

Remember we are here for you Lindsay--and remember, it might not even be H anyway! Sending lots of love

Effemmell

[mr_hopp]

hatemyself134? Really? That's the name you chose for these forums? All right, prepare for some good old fashioned tough love! ;)

 

Know that the name you choose on these forums has a tremendous effect on how you experience this whole thing. It's the perspective you are in fact choosing to take on. Not a lot of healing can take place in self-hatred. Just more shame, bitterness and pain. There's an opportunity here for you to LOVE yourself. That's what you're moving toward here. That's where all the big, flashing lights are pointing. And until you realize that you are lovable, we're gonna love you so much that you can't help but see it. How about that? ;) Yes, we are gonna love the ever-lovin' shit outta you until you just can't take it anymore. (Pardon my French.)

 

Check it out: What you focus on becomes bigger. And while being sad and allowing your emotion to be is totally healthy and supported here, hating yourself is not. I won't stand for you treating yourself that way. You don't deserve it. You get to change what sounds like generations of negativity and judgment in your family by changing your relationship to yourself. That's where it all begins. And what better time than right now? You can start in this moment. Look in the mirror. Look into your own eyes and thank yourself for caring enough to join this forum. Just joining here was an act of self-love. Own it.

 

Might I suggest you change your name to "lovemyself134"? That feels so much better to me, but only if you feel that it's right for you. I can change it if you say the word ... And mark my words, that is when the change will begin to happen for you.

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

Hey Effemmell, you're right, it might not be it, but then it might be true. I'm going to set up an appointment and go this time, I'll be by myself but, I'll never know until I get checked. I found this site, and I'm glad I did, seeing what everyone has to say about it makes me feel better. And that I'm not alone. Thanks for writing me, means a lot to know I have someone to talk to and get this off my chest.

Lots of love to you, too. :)

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

Adrial, I know it's a bit harsh to have it as my name. I'd like for you to change it to what you suggested, I do need to love myself! And be able to face this. It will take time, but I can see that this forum will help me get through it.

 

Haha thanks for the laugh about the "ever lovin' shit outta you"

 

Thanks for telling me that, I just have no one to talk to and I've kept it in for way too long, thought it was time to let out all the negative, and put in some positive in my life. I love this site already! :)

Thanks again.!

[WhoopsiDaysi]

LOVEmyself134 - we will love you until you believe it honey. Adrial is SO right. Our body and our cells hear what we say about ourselves and reacts in accordance with what it hears. A million chemical reactions go off with every emotion, every thought we have and we attract in to our lives what we think and what we believe. You have come to this site so obviously you love yourself enough to reach out. Swim in the sea of love and acceptance here and soak it in. By the time we are done loving you (which we never are, by the way) you will be a changed person and you will be out looking for other people to share the love with. If we are going to be infectious, this is the best possible way! :) Spread the love. :) Hugs to you my dear and welcome!! I am so glad you found a safe place to be the wonderful you that you are.

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

I've had time to think about it and read what everyone had to say about it, it made me realize that it's not a bad thing to have. I just want to say thank you guys for telling me not to be harsh on myself. I do need to learn to love myself, it's been a problem of mine for the longest. I am my biggest critic.

I'm glad I joined this site! :)

thank you, WhoopsiDaysi for the kind words! :D

[WhoopsiDaysi]

You are welcome LOVEmyself. :) The wonderful thing and the hardest thing about this little virus of mine (and yours) is that it acts like a spotlight on stuff we already struggle with or have tried to ignore. The GREAT part is we have the awareness now and we can heal those other parts as well. If we are critical of ourselves, this little virus can ramp that up big time. But now that you are part of this wonderful family, you have a chance to send love to that critic and find kinder, more loving things to say instead. What a wonderful gift. And if you can't find wonderful things to say, ask us. We will give you all sorts of things to say like I am strong, I am lovable, I am kind, I am accepting, I am amazing, I am well able....need any more.....I've got lots. Start making a list Lindsay! Hugs from me to you my dearest.

 

Love and hugs!!

 

Brenda

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

Sorry I've been MIA but I will get on that list and stay more positive about this. Thanks again, Brenda.

Lots of love ans hugs to you as well :)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Good to hear Lovemyself. And I am SO glad to see your change of name. You are amazing and wonderful and don't ever forget it. There are lessons in all of life's challenges. Have a fabulous week and I look forward to hearing your list!

 

Hugs!!

 

Brenda xo

[Chase]

hello lovemyself.

 

i too am in the same situation.

 

im 18 and male.

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

Hello Chase,

It's a very hard situation to be in and it puts you down, but we're not alone. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

 

[mr_hopp]

Hey lovemyself (gosh, I love the namechange) & chase. Remember, herpes doesn't have to put you down. Ultimately, it's what you make it. It can be an opportunity (ring a bell?) ;) I wanted to jump in to make sure that wasn't said as absolute Truth. Because for many people, herpes hasn't put them down; it's actually been what had them look deeper into themselves that actually has them raise themselves up. Just a friendly reminder.

[lovemyself134 (not hatemys]

Adrial, I love it, too! Thanks for changing it for me. :)

I know, I'm just at that stage of healing and not letting myself put me down. And remember that.