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Do I need to stay busy?


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Why is it that I only really feel like I have herpes and that herpes drastically affects my life when I am lonely. When I am busy doing things and not thinking about not having a partner I do not even realize that I have it. The second my mind ventures out and I have too much time to think is when it really sets in. In pour the “woe is me” thoughts, the “I will be alone forever” thoughts, the “I wish I could go back in time” thoughts, etc. I work full time, I am a full time parent, and I go to school full time. I am terribly afraid that once school ends or when my son no longer wants to hang out with me and I have a little free time I will start to lose it. Do I continue to find activity after activity to keep my mind occupied? I love myself and try extremely hard not to have those self doubts but it creeps up from time to time. Will those thoughts ever just completely go away or at least subside enough to where they don’t sting or do I need to take up underwater basket weaving, scuba diving, martial arts, bungee jumping, get my PhD, learn to sword fight…?

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All - the more we try to fight something, the more it persists. Don't fight the thoughts, but acknowledge them, sit with them and love that part of you who is scared and insecure. You have read the posts on this site and you know that herpes does not mean you will remain in a celibate state for the rest of your life living the life of a leper. Herpes is just another part of who we are and it doesn't need to stop us from leading happy, loving, productive lives. You sound like you have a full life with your son, school, etc. Having herpes doesn't diminish any of that going on in your life, does it? It's the fear of the unknown that is scary. Once you get out there and start dating and meeting people who will love and accept all of you, herpes and all, you will realize that you don't need to worry. You are obviously a loving, intelligent, capable, caring person and the right person will recognize and cherish that. And until then, you have us. :) Sometimes talking about how you are feeling and getting support is the best way to heal, so lean on us and share your fears, as you are doing. We all love and support you in any way we can. Eventually those fears subside and you realize it's just a skin condition and nothing more and it doesn't need to stop you from living a full and happy life.

 

Brenda xo

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Hi AllInADaysWork! I'm with Brenda about not fighting the thoughts. Those thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your life are there, even if you're not conscious of it. And they're powerful...they're creating your experience! Don't get me wrong, I really understand that it can suck the big one to allow yourself to feel the emotion attached to those thoughts, and to allow it to move through you. I've had some of the darkest shit ever come up for me over this last year, and at one point I seriously wanted to jump out a window...it felt so awful. But that's how much self-loathing I was carrying. It was there, affecting me right down to the cellular level. That being said, the fantastic news is that we have the power to change our thoughts, even if they feel strong and dark and insurmountable. Anything can shift with commitment and time. Sending you a ridiculously big hug!!! Love Beckie

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WhoopsiDaysi and Beckie thank you for your words. All I can say is that I am human and I feel and i am honest about those feelings. I do not try to mask my feelings I just try to stay occupied so those feelings are not so overwhelming. I try not to throw too many pity parties for myself but I do RSVP to some of them. I know this is all a process and I am working through it. I know a partner will not fix everything because I still had a slight level of anxiety when I had this skin condition and was married. I am single now but extremly busy and still have a level of anxiety. Do I let that anxiety run my life...? Not at all but it is there and I have to acknowledge it in order to move past it.

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I think we all struggle with this virus AllnADaysWork. I'd be lying if I said I didn't RSVP a few times myself. Thankfully we have this community to share our fears, our anxieties and to celebrate those moments when things go so well and we are feeling strong.

 

Hugs to you my dear!

 

Brenda xo

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