No longer with my bf.. I need advice

[mlss08]

Well I found out I had herpes in August 2012 before finding out I got back with my bf of 6 years and without know it I gave him this disease. It has changed a lot between us but things were good we were getting along I thought everything would be okay especially with the disease.

 

He now no longer wants to be with me and I don't know what to do.. I want him back.

 

This has been a toll for the both of us but to be honest we would never talk about it. Until one late night I called him crying about how dirty I felt and how miserable I felt for giving this to him. I have been a very moody girl friend to him everything and everyone bothered me always with an attitude. He hates it and says he is not happy with me anymore and wants his space.

 

He tells me things like good luck with the next guy and having to explain your std problem. He also says he does not need anyone so it shouldn't be a problem for him. Is he just mad or does he really want me out of his life?

 

I want to make thinks right and be happy again like before contracting this diaease. We fought originally because of no communication I said things to him I shouldn't have so he just broke up with me. After breaking up all this came to the surface that he was not happy.

 

I haven't been happy because of this disease I don't think I've forgiven myself and I want a cure to happen now.

 

Please know that I do love him a lot and I want to make it work with him.. Not because we both have it. Yes, I am scared of meeting someone and having to tell them

 

I have it because I do dream of being a wife and mother and he was what I saw in my future. I feel so lonely because no knows I have this and there is really no one to talk to about it.

 

Will he come back?? Anyone here go through something like this? What should I do?

[mr_hopp]

mlss08, all of those things you dream of are still totally possible and probable if that's what you want. Don't let herpes have all this power. 99% of it is in your head and due to our society's stigmatizing beliefs around a simple skin condition. I promise you that. Don't believe the hype. ;) Herpes ain't bad; it's pretty innocent here, actually.

 

Another thing, how do you feel calling herpes a "disease"? When I read that word, my stomach turns. I don't feel like I have a "disease" ... it may feel like nit-picking, but the words we use have a huge impact on how we experience our lives. Check out this article:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words/

 

From all of my experience with having herpes myself and all the people I have spoken with through this website and forum, herpes isn't the reason all of these things come up in us. Those worries and feelings of self-pity have always been there. They're just seemingly magnified now. You get to shift those beliefs within yourself now. If your boyfriend truly wants space, let him have space. It might just be an opportunity for you to re-connect with yourself. The desperation to be wanted that herpes can create can also lead to co-dependency. The secret to breaking co-dependency in my own experience is to actually be alone for a while. And to realize that it is okay to be alone. It doesn't mean you're not enough or not lovable. It just means that you're alone. That you're healing yourself. There are certain layers of healing I can only reach when I am by myself. Being in a relationship can tend to be a distraction from more deeper healing.

 

I feel for you, and I know that pain. Will he come back? Maybe. Maybe not. What if he doesn't? Is your life over? No. You'll still be all right. You will heal and you will move on. And the opportunity for you here may just be to love yourself without needing that from him.

[mlss08]

Hey adrial! Thanks.. I feel like it's taken me awhile to accept it and let myself be happy. Everything now is okay, he really wanted space. I think when he said that I was scared to be alone and I guess being with him kept me in denial in having herpes, but yes you are right.. I have taken the time to heal myself and be positive and just be happy. My boyfriend and I are working things out and we are both happy. This has probably been the hardest thing for the both of us and I hope it just makes us stronger.

 

Thank you so much for your response.. I really needed to hear that. You are also right, I shouldn't have called it a disease because its not. Thanks for the article! :)