Just got diagnosed, I have a ton of questions

[chocolatelover]

Hello, everyone.

 

I’ve been recently diagnosed with HSV1 oral herpes, negative HSV2.. With that being said I’ve been with my boyfriend for years, I had a breakout in my upper lip that’s when I got blood work and came back positive. It’s been about 2 months roughly now since I found out. I told him about it, and I told him if he didn’t want to be with me I understood, however he said he still wanted to be with me. We really haven’t talked much about the topic, because I’ve always been ashamed to have HSV1. Since we found out we haven’t kissed, nor slept wtih each other. I feel like I can never kiss him again, nor have the life we had before. Idk what to do, I feel a little disconnect, but idk what to do :( anything would help.

 

Thanks, chocolatelover

[LittleStar]

Hey @chocolatelover, welcome!

 

Ok, so first of all, the vast majority of people in this forum have genital herpes, or at least that's why there are part of this forum. That may be why you don't get a lot of hits on your post (not taking away from your experience just that the stigma generally lies with the one on your junk).

 

Oral herpes, or cold sores as pretty much everyone refers to them, is more common than people with brown eyes (how's that for a statistic!), yes something like 67% of the world has herpes. Only 8% of the population has blue eyes. Then there's the additional ones who don't know they have it. Herpes, that is, not blue eyes...

 

It sounds like you are waaaaaay overthinking this, and that you may need to talk to your boyfriend to make sure you can communicate how you both feel. And next time you see him, you should definitely kiss him - 2 months without a kiss sounds like hell!

 

 

[chocolatelover]

@littlestar

 

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it! I asked him to get a test because I don’t know if I would’ve passed it on to him, which I hope not but then I just don’t know how we would make this manageable? So I can kiss him? Because yeah 2 months without kissing him sucks, every morning he leaves he kisses me on the check :(

[Dumfounded]

Considering that HSV usually has no symptoms it's entirely possible your boyfriend has it asymptomatically and is the one who passed it to you.

[LittleStar]

There's nothing to make manageable, you have cold sores, that's it! Just don't kiss him or go down on him when you're experiencing symptoms. It doesn't matter who had it first or who gave it to who, because it's cold sores, and what good will it do to know whether you fit in to the 67% or the 33% of the population? Just be aware of future outbreaks and move on.

[chocolatelover]

@dumfounded

 

Idk, maybe I asked him if he’s ever had a blister and he said no. But he’s getting checked hopefully soon. Thank you for responding!!

[chocolatelover]

@littlestar

 

I’m still new to all of this. I told him it’s okay to kiss me be still hasn’t, and I told him I miss kissing you and he’s like can you even kiss me? Since the I’ve been trying to do so much homework on it, because before I was sad but I wasn’t trying to think about it much. But I miss him, and I know he’s been distant because of the news.

[TeaWithTheQueen]

Hi @chocolatelover! I also love chocolate, and I was just diagnosed this month, as well.

 

Grab that man and kiss him!

 

@littlestar I have a question for you. I don’t mean to hijack this post, but what you said to ChocolateLover got me wondering if I am over-thinking this. I have HSV-1 oral and genital. Just healing from first OB. Quick recovery from vulva part of the OB as it was very mild, yet it was there. So am I still in the “It’s just cold sores” category? Or am I a little more complicated due to the genital part of this deal?

 

Thanks!

 

 

[Lifegoesonn]

I don't mean to take away from how you feel , but honestly people like you irk me, the fact that you have to go as far as him getting tested for it to see if you passed it to him is crazy to me we'll all On her are complaining about genital herpes and hsv 2 and your hear complaining about cold sores which 80% of the population has, like all of us on this forum wish your "problem" was the only problem we have which is NOT a problem, are you kidding ?? Don't mean to come off rude but this just pissed me off a little

[LittleStar]

@chocolatelover Ok, so it sounds like it's your boyfriend who requires a little education and perhaps a little maturity too (from the sounds of it). Maybe because of his behaviour you've led yourself to believe this is a big deal, when in fact it's not. Babies get cold sores every day, as do toddlers, and teens, and adults! I would approach the situation with a bit of humour and be like 'come on, so I got a cold sore, big deal!' and see if his attitude changes once he perceives that you are more relaxed about it.

 

As @Lifegoesonn has said, it's not really a problem (although no one can take away from how you feel about any given situation), but in this case, it really isn't. Most people get cold sores (HSV oral), and the world keeps spinning - that doesn't mean your head should! Let's just remember that this is a judgement-free zone, and whilst one person may feel that another's opinion isn't justifiable, we should all try to remain objective and sympathetic if someone is struggling.

 

@TeaWithTheQueen I don't think I've ever come across someone who has HSV1 both orally and genitally! I would think that if you've had it orally (cold sores) for a while, then your immunity will be increased and that may be why you experienced such a mild OB genitally. Have you had blood work or swabs taken? In any case, it's all 'cold sores', just some people present on their mouths and others on their junk (but most never present at all!). I definitely think if you go forward with that attitude, it will be the best thing you can do for yourself! And I would say that type 1 is generally the less severe of the 2 for genital OBs, and certainly holds less of a stigma in today's society.

[chocolatelover]

@lifegoesonn

 

Let’s get one thing straight. Like I said before in the post I am completely new to this, before I had hsv1 I had no clue this was even as common and I am aware now. And I suggested he get tested, because it would make me feel comfortable to know if he has it or not wether the chances of you getting is high. Drs told me it’s contagious and that I couldn’t kiss, which I didn’t know what that meant and the time. And yes you came off a little rude, but no need for that I’m just trying to understand it like everyone else that is new at this. Maybe because you have the knowledge I don’t doesnt mean you need to get pissed off at me nor the fact that I want him to get tested.

 

@littlestar As am I learning more and more it I’m okay with it, I’m not as sad as I was before. And I am educating my boyfriend as much as I can, which I know both of us need the knowledge because he’s even more clueless than me, and I’ve learned a lot in a matter of days. So thank you so much @littlestar

[LittleStar]

Yay @chocolatelover! Glad you've put this in to perspective :D

[Lifegoesonn]

Just don't kiss or go down on anybody if you have a cold sore , I had it for years and never gave it to anyone orally or genital...

[chocolatelover]

@lifegoesonn

 

Thank you, I definitely will not do that during an outbreak if I get one again.

[Lifegoesonn]

You'll be fine , and u don't even have to disclose this to anyone at all u can have sex with out disclosing this , I never gave that to anyone

[TeaWithTheQueen]

I don't mean to take away from how you feel , but honestly people like you irk me, the fact that you have to go as far as him getting tested for it to see if you passed it to him is crazy to me we'll all On her are complaining about genital herpes and hsv 2 and your hear complaining about cold sores which 80% of the population has, like all of us on this forum wish your "problem" was the only problem we have which is NOT a problem, are you kidding ?? Don't mean to come off rude but this just pissed me off a little

 

 

Wow. What a harsh comment. I thought this forum was a judgement-free zone.

 

[Lifegoesonn]

I'm not judging her....