Year 4 and I can’t get seem to get passed this

[Choosejoy]

I was married for 23 years, when my husband and I split up. I fooled around with a man and he got a new gf. Somewhere in between, we had sex with each other ( we tried getting vpback together a couple of times before we did) and got herpes. Neither person will admit they had it and passed it on to one of us. Fast forward, my hubby and I got back together after being separated for 3 years and it all should be well and good with me. BUT, I can’t stop the feeling of being a dirty, diseased woman. I feel like I can’t cope with this monkey on my back. Every time I have an outbreak, it’s like it just happened. I hate my own body. I feel trapped and I feel hopeless - because I’m NEVER getting rid of this. The last few days, I’ve been thinking of ending my life ( I got help at the initial infection as I was on the verge of suicide). I’m just so tired of battling this. I understand that other people could still love me with Herpes and I could love someone else with herpes but the way I feel inside about myself is killing me. I feel my feminine sexuality has been robbed from me. I don’t know how to cope with this anymore

[Dumfounded]

It's no different than having oral HSV, same virus different place. You are not a "dirty diseased woman" nor have you lost your "feminine sexually." All of this comes from the stupid stigma associated with a virus that is medically insignificant. If our culture didn't have such lame puritanical beliefs about sex no one would care.

 

You need to talk to someone. A counselor or someone professional who can help you work through this.

[Choosejoy]

Thanks for your response - I know it’s “wrong thinking”, I have a friend who has it and I think nothing negative about her at all. I called today to get back into counselling.

[Dumfounded]

How are you feeling today? I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you.

[Choosejoy]

I feel about the same. I have actually just had an IUD put in in November and I think it’s is exacerbating any and all the negative feelings I have struggled with regarding Herpes. The struggle is real but it’s definitely worse right now. I have an appt with my gyno Thursday to see what’s happening to me. Thanks for checking in on me. It really does help