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SilverLining1012

18 months after my devastating HSV2 diagnosis, I have an awesome, handsome, super smart boyfriend

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Hi all,

 

I'd like to share my perspective with the hope that it helps anyone who is grappling with dating after your diagnosis. All the disclosure success stories on this site really helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

You see, in the fall of 2016, I got herpes. HSV2. And a pretty horrific first breakout.

 

What started as a horrible, life-changing event started me down a pretty good path. I'll spare you all the cliches, but suffice it to stay, I re-centered on what/who was important to me, and after taking several months off from dating, went back into the dating pool really focused on finding a true partner. For context, I'd been floundering in the pretty-competitive dating scene in NYC for the past several years. I'm now in my early 30s. Always considered myself a catch-- pretty fit, fancy degrees, etc etc. But Manhattan is full of attractive, accomplished single women. I felt like I was at a major disadvantage. You know...because of the herpes.

 

Essentially, what I am here to say is that all this "herpes wingman" talk turns out to be spot on.

 

I made a full dating profile on a non-herpes dating site. A real (non-herpes) website. Not tinder (though I was on that, too) and not eHarmony (seemed too intense..) Over the course of 6 months I dated 3 guys for several weeks each, and things fizzled without going too far. None of them were the right connection, but they were all great guys (except for one finance millionaire...story to be told over cocktails). Then (let's call him:) Luke reached out. And he was kind, and handsome, and educated, and went the extra mile to really get to know me. And on our 5th date, I told him I had herpes. Turns out, so did his last girlfriend. I am currently in the most satisfying sexual relationship of my entire life. "Luke" has met my entire family, and is the best partner I could ask for. Plus, he's really hot. That's pretty convenient.

 

A key finding over the past year is that, frankly, the right person, someone with whom you have a truly strong connection, who is also ready to settle down, will get over your HSV status. So you should get over it, too. --because you deserve a great partner who wakes up every day in awe of how lucky they are to be with you. I wake up feeling that way about him.

 

Is my life perfect? Of course not. In fact, I'm having a herpes outbreak as we speak. So that's annoying. Plus, who knows if it will actually work out with "Luke". I just hope this post is helpful for anyone out there who thinks that their HSV status (particularly those of us that do get outbreaks) is going to ruin your life. It gets better, and actually can be used to your advantage.

 

May the force be with you.

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Thank you so much for sharing this. I just got diagnosed a few days ago, and I really needed to read this.

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Thanks for sharing that!

I know to a lot of people it can seem like there isn't much hope at times, and that stories like this seem too good to be true.

But there are really good people waiting to meet someone great, too. There are good things out there waiting for you to find them once you have accepted who you are, and learned to appreciate yourself!

Good luck with your relationship, it sounds like you have all of the ingredients for something really special!

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So very happy for you! I believe in what you say and have presented. All in due time. We just have to be warriors to know that to fight and stay in the game Matters.

Yay!!!! for you :)

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Thank you so much for taking the time to bring hope for those of us struggling. I was diagnosed with hsv2 in May of 2017 and still find myself questioning if I’ll ever find love or die alone. The bright side is I’ve turned to God for help and I’ve put my faith in him. Thank you again for this glimpse of hope.

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So encouraging to hear this! I just ended a 3 year relationship with the person who gave me H. I’m not ready to start dating yet, but the thought of dating with H always gives me anxiety. Honestly, it’s part of the reason I stayed in my last relationship as long as I did, even though my gut was telling me he wasn’t the one for me. People in my life tell me that I’m ‘such a catch’, and I often think ‘well you don’t know about my H secret’. Reading all the success stories on this site are helping me see that you can date successfully with H. Thanks for sharing!

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@nat87

I'm in the same boat. And we probably are great catches.... but yes, we do have our secret. Going out with a guy with H now, but I know it's not long term. Another guy is interested and I him, but I need to have the talk. Ugh as this is all still so new.

 

However, all we can do is get back on that horse... or as the saying goes, save a horse, ride a cowboy! lol

 

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I needed this. I am in my early 30's and I'm tired of everyone asking "Why are you single?" It's hard enough with the social stigma of being single in your 30's and to put HSV on top. Thanks for sharing. I need to gain my confidence back.

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