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Mil21

Just want to die.

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I found out less than a month ago I was hsv2 positive. I contracted it from my ex boyfriend. I am in another relationship, and the dating scene and disclosing is not really what bothers me. Some days I’m fine and don’t even think about it. Other days I am extremely depressed, can’t eat, can’t sleep and up all night thinking about it, wondering if I’m going to accidentally transmit it to my 5 year old daughter. These days I just want to die. I know everyone says it’s not something to go crazy over but I cannot shake the fact that my life was once so great and normal and now at 27 years old I have to live with an incurable sexually transmitted disease for the rest of my life. I feel dirty and disgusting and I feel like a terrible mother. I just don’t want to live like this.

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I worried about transmitting it to my kids too but then I realized it took 15 years for my husband to transmit it to me and we have lots of oral and vaginal sex. Your daughter isn't going to get it from you.

 

You are not a different mother than you were a month ago. HSV is a skin condition, not some magical virus that takes your ability to be a good mother away. In fact this is one more lesson you can add to your arsenal so that one day you may be better equipped to help your own daughter navigate the murky waters of dating. You now know about HSV, that makes you more aware than most sexually active adults out there. Every single person who is sexually active is at risk of contracting HSV. The alternative is to avoid intimacy all together. I think just about everyone out there would agree the risk of contracting HSV is worth it.

 

It sounds like the prospect of having HSV is hitting you hard. You could always find a sex positive counselor to help you through the weeds.

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I hear ya!

I do pretty well but I have my days too. Frustrated with myself for not being more careful, or missing the days I never thought about stds & my old dating concerns were so small compared to what I’m concerned with now.

Seems like little things make me think about it so it’s constantly on my mind. I just try to ignore it so it doesn’t overwhelm my thoughts & I try to balance it out with positive thoughts & affirmations.

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