TURN ADVERSITY INTO ADVANTAGE

[BENGEE]

I LOVE THAT PHRASE,AND USE IT EVERYDAY. ALTHOUGH IT IS ALWAYS HARD TELLING A POTENTIAL PARTNER THE YOU HAVE HERPES. THE SOONER YOU DO IT. THE BETTER. GETTING THAT DISCUSSION,OUT OF THE WAY. NOT ONLY ELIMINATES THE STRESS OF WORRYING ABOUT IT.WHICH CAN CAUSE YOUR NEXT OUTBREAK (STRESS IS THE ENEMY) IT WILL ALSO REVEAL YOUR HONESTY,AND THEIR TRUE COLOR'S. IF THEY WON'T TRUST YOU,AND CLOSE THEIR WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN. CHANCES ARE,THAT RELATIONSHIP WON'T LAST LONG. SO YOU CAN BOTH MOVE ON,TO A MORE COMPATIBLE PERSON. I'VE TOLD ALMOST EVERYONE OVER 30 YEARS I'V BEEN REJECTED BY SOME. BUT FOR THE MOST PART. TRUSTED BY MOST.

SO HAVING THE TALK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WILL SERVE YOU BOTH,BY CALMING YOUR NERVES & STRESS. AND EITHER ALLOWING THE CONTINUATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. OR NOT INVESTING ANY MORE TIME INTO ONE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY FAIL.............................GOOD LUCK..................................................STAY STRONG-STAY SAFE

[mr_hopp]

Welcome to the community, Bengee! And thanks for sharing your perspective. I love how you're on the other side of it, reaping the benefits of honesty and integrity. I imagine it wasn't always like that for you, though. What was it like when you first got herpes all those years ago?

[BENGEE]

HI ADRIAL,I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER CALL YOU MR.H. I KNOW IT'S JUST A NICKNAME BUT. IT KIND OF GOES AGAINST THE PREMISS,THAT WE ARE NOT DEFINED AND IDENTIFIED,BY HAVING IT.(JUST MY THOUGHT) WHEN I GOT IT BACK IN 1983.NO-ONE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL THE FOCUS WAS ON THE FAIRLY NEW ARRIVAL OF AIDS. HELL MY..JUST OUT OF SCHOOL DERMATOLOGIST JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. I WAS SO DEVASTATED AND STRESSED OUT THAT I HAD IT CONSTANTLY FOR 3 YEARS. I'VE NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP OVER 2 MONTHS SINCE THEN. SINGLE FOR 30 YEARS. IT RUINED MY LIFE

I'VE BEEN A DEPRESSED ALCOHOLIC EVER SINCE. I'VE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE 3 TIMES. I DIDN'T DIE THE FIRST 2 TIMES CAUSE I'VE DONE SO MANY DRUGS THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. THAT I JUST SLEPT REAL GOOD. THE LAST TIME I WAS GOING TO DIE. BUT I STARTED THINKING OF HOW MUCH I WILL BE BREAKING MY MOTHERS HEART. THAT I CALLED 911.. I TOOK 80 PILLS THAT TIME. I GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED IN INTENSIVE CARE. THEN GOT BAKER ACTED. I AM NOW A RECLUSE, MANIC DEPRESSANT,THAT HAS CLAUSTROPHOBIA AND GETS PANIC ATTACKS,AND PSORIASIS,AND OH YA...I HAVE DEGENERATIVE JOINT DISEASE IN MY NECK AND PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS IN MY KNEES.HENCE THE (I DON'T GET OUT MUCH THING) I'M BRUTALLY HONEST. I'M NOT WHINING. JUST INFORMING. A LOT OF PEOPLE, HAVE THINGS A LOT MORE WORSE THAT ME. SO I TRY NOT TO COMPLAIN. FEEL FREE TO POST THIS, IF YOU WANT. OR NOT. LIKE I SAID. I'M HONEST. AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE. IT IS,WHAT IT IS ..................HAVE A GOOD DAY

[mr_hopp]

I feel the need to explain since you're assuming that I'm identifying myself with herpes. ;) Initially, I tacked that to my name to let people know I was the guy who put this thing together. And I'd say the focus is less on the H and more on the Opp. ;) This community isn't ultimately about herpes (don't tell anyone that, though). It's about the opportunity of switching focus from herpes to who you truly are on a deeper level. Then herpes is relegated to the insignificant little itchy skin rash it actually is, stripped of its power.

 

I'm sorry you allowed herpes to ruin your life. I feel really sad hearing that from you. And it's stories like yours that further inspire me to get the message out there: Breaking the myth that herpes has any sort of power to ruin anyone's life. Only we have that kind of power. Thanks for sharing yourself and for contributing your heart after everything you've been through. That's quite a life to live, and you inspire me that you want to help. It's especially those who have gone through hardships themselves who can truly understand the hardships of others. And through that, be able to really get the good stuff, too. :)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Bengee, first of all welcome to our community and family. Second, thank you so much for sharing your story. It breaks my heart that you struggled as much as you did but you are obviously a survivor and thriver. Having lived with suicide on both sides of the fence - both a survivor of my father committing suicide and having my own struggles with it - I can appreciate where you have been but I am also so proud of you for saying this is not how it's going to end, for having it within yourself to call for help and to think of how your choices would affect other people. That takes a hell of a lot of personal strength to be able to do that in the middle of a suicide attempt. It speaks volumes to your strength of spirit. Despite your struggles you friggin rock my dear in your ability to keep going and persevere. Stories like yours also solidify my resolve to reach out to others who may be struggling and especially to get to them at the very beginning of their diagnosis so they don't have to travel down the rabbit hole that some of us did. My prayer is that you are able to share your beautiful, strong, resilient spirit with others and I am so glad you joined us in our journey.

 

Much love! Brenda

[Beckie]

Hi Bengee. I'm with Brenda - my heart broke for you as I was reading your story. I can't imagine how much pain and suffering you've endured. I am very inspired by your strength and determination. There must be a very strong part of you that knows there's a reason why all of that happened for you. Maybe you're finding that reason right now. You have so much to offer others in terms of compassion and insight. Maybe you will share more of yourself here. Much love to you, Beckie