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Told a new guy

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I met this guy and the first week and a half everything was awesome. I told him about having herpes after a week. His initial reaction was just that he was fine with it, as long as I took my medicine. He left my house a bit later and gave me kisses goodbye. Then the next week he was still talkative but not as much. He also had a shift in his work schedule that he was open about and was not texting as much. I let the change in behavior get the best of me and I text asking if he was having any other thoughta about the “bomb” I had dropped on him about herpes. He responded and just said sorry babe, work has been crazy, blah blah. The next week or so got even worse about his work schedule and I basically just felt so rejected but not. Its like I have given you outs twice now about herpes stuff, just take the out. He closed his dating profile and I asked about it and he said it was distracting and he was working too much. Then he jjst stopped talking to me. I tried a bit more in case he was just busy to just send light hearted msg once a day but then nothing. I mean I just feel like everything was on fire until I told him about herpes and then I think maybe his sexual desire for me just ended and it wasnt enough to get him to pur forth effort when he was busy. I just don’t understand the dragging it out if it was the herpes. If it wasnt that, nothing else makes any sense other than he was total player. I just wish I could be like I ussd to be and not get in my head about waiting to get rejected. Will it always be this hard? Ive told a couple others and some have basically run from me, 1 was like I probably have it but he didn’t and then this guy. I think Id prefer someone being like yeah I cant handle it then giving me false hope and then phasing me out.

Ugh! Its so common among so many female friends of mine but we all have the biggest issue with telling guys.

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It might take some pressure out of situations like that to try dating a litlle more casually.

Having dealt with a lot of rejection before my diagnosis, it took me a lot of convincing to be less serious about dating.

When I eventually did give myself permission to go on more than one first date a month, I found myself less concerned with "reading between the libes" and more concerned with finding someone who was making an effort to meet me halfway in the matters of making plans and showing up.

I'm not recommending sleeping with multiple people off and on, merely talking to or meeting more than one person at a time. It can relieve a lot of that inner termoil regarding "what does that text mean?" Or feeling down because one person decided not to keep dating.

Remember that there are a lot of great people out there, but dating is a matter of being compatible, searching for the same kind of relationship, timing, and having sinilar goals. That is a hard balance to strike with anyone, let alone a new interest.

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I 100% agree with with @RegularGuy on this. Learn to date and enjoy it. Even if you didn't have herpes, I guarantee you the situation you outlined (a person just drifting out of what looks like promising relationship and giving no explanation) is still happening to people all the time. There's a lot of playing the field, exploring, and just plain fickleness in the general dating world today. It is important to learn not to "attach to outcomes". Everything will line up when it should.

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I go on first dates fairly often, i even went on one 2 days after I had gone out with this guy. I just felt a much stronger connection with him than I normally do. Sometimes Im like that guy was nice and cute, I guess Id see him again but this 1 guy just got me all crazy about him. My friends were laughing at me because I never acted that way towards someone, I usually act more like meh, whatever.

He seemed as into it too which made me excited but then he got super busy at work and seemed like the busier he got the more his personality just went away. We just didnt have enough foundation for me to understand what he was like when he was stressed vs the guy I had gone out with twice in 3 days.

I will probably never know what happened. I know now its better to try to maintain my casual attitude instead and not let them see me excited about them. Dont let them see me be vulnerable.

Ive been on 2 first dates since and both seem interested so Im just sitting back and will make them do the work if they want anything with me.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well I started dating someone new and we’ve seen each other 4 times and our most revent date was 24 hrs long. haha He already asked me to be exclusive and I said ok. He referred to himself as my boyfriend at 1 point and I looked up at him and he said ok soon to be boyfriend. He’s talked to me about some exes, bc I asked, and reasons why the relationships ended like one of them had a drinking problem, I said yeah Ive ended relationships because of someone having drinking problems or smoked pot too much. So he refers to these things as red flags. He keeps saying he doesn’t see any red flags with me and honestly Im a pretty good catch except for having herpes. I havnt told him yet but every time he says no red flags, I just keep thinking ugh because I havnt told you my news yet. He wants to make all these plans for like concerts and football games in the Fall and I just kinda jokingly say yes to all of it but wont let him buy tickets for concerts in even May bc what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore once I do tell him.


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  • 4 months later...
  • 3 months later...

@Next step We dated for 4 months and only attempted to have sex 2 times. He had no sex drive or he was trying to be ok with me having herpes but couldn’t get it up enough bc of it perhaps. There were some other issues too so much to his dislike I ended things with him. Im back to being single and knowing I will have to have that conversation again. I recently went out with a guy from positive singles but right after first date he became pretty forward about wanting to give me massage and stuff like that. I wasnt sure I was even into him yet so just let that fizzle out. 

Ugh dating sucks and having this makes it worse.

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its strange how most people do seem to just slowly stop talking after being disclosed too.

In theory yes it would be better if they just said straight out that they couldn't deal with it, but looking at it from their point of view
maybe its also hard for some to let go themselves, if they were really into you.
Took someone that rejected me, 4 months to finally stop talking to me.

Dating shouldn't suck, it should be fun, yes its harder with this but be up for the challenge 😉

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