feeling lost, angry and alone-hope post is not too long

[Lostgirl12]

Hi,

First post here. Not sure where this should go. A while back, I was in a relationship and I had an STD panel done including and the results showed postive for HSV-2 (IgG). I've never had any lesions-but may have had some subclinical symptoms. My partner was also tested(IgG) and he didn't have it. I went to see an infectious disease specialist, and she said that given my history that my body was handling it O.K. and not to worry-even about viral shedding. She did not feel medication was needed at that time, but she did tell me to take precautions. I did get some acyclovir just in case. After the relationship was over, I went in for another STD panel and tested postive for HSV-1, again IgG. (Draw your own conclusions.) I'm assuming it's oral, based on research and during the relationship I had a cold and the doctor saw erythema in my throat. I have not had an official outbreak/lesions yet, although there was one time that I went to the emergency room for a cold/sinus and something on my inside of lip which they weren't sure what it was, but I was told to take the acyclovir just in case. After taking it, I felt much better. I did go to see the infectious disease specialists again and at this time, they felt that I should not be on suppressive medication. Having both is a very big deal to me because I already have a chronic illness, so am scared of having outbreaks and passing the HSV virus on to loved ones/or to a new site on myself even without an outbreak because it is so contagious. I feel like my dating/love life is over-and I just got back into it. I am afraid to kiss someone (even without an outbreak, because I don't want to pass anything on) and that is a huge part of dating. I feel dirty, and that no one would want me because I have both HSV1 and 2. I am worried about disclosure (especially about HSV-1), because I am a very private person, but as I said, I don't want to pass anything on. Any suggestions for this? Anyone have suggestions/tips about dealing/daily living(especially housecleaning)/dating with both HSV-1 and HSV-2? I have done research into some basic precautions, but would appreciate any advice. Thank you.

[Lostgirl12]

p.s. I did disclose to my then partner about the HSV-2-which is why he got tested

[RegularGuy]

Hi!

I know things may be harder than you made it seem. If you really are handling things as clinically as it sounds in your post, you should be proud of your level of resilience!

It's a really good thing that you went to doctors with questions and sought advice from them.

From the medical journals I have read, and advice I have gotten from my doctor, preventing spreading and transmission isn't impossible. Generally, washing your hands normally with regular soap and warm water is enough to keep the virus under control and to protect other people. You don't have to get crazy with chemicals, herpes is weak outside a host and dies in a matter of minutes. So treating it like a plague, or the flu is overboard.

For relationships and sex, it's reasonable to get on a daily suppression medicine like valacyclovir and insist on using condoms. Combining that with abstaining during an outbreak reduces chances of transmission dramatically, but it some risk remains and anyone you intend to get intimate with deserves to consent fully, knowing there is risk.

That said, there are many people who understand that herpes is common, and that it does not stop anyone from being a good person. Disclosure shows courage and compassion to a very rare degree! You should be proud that you have disclosed in the past, and continue to do so.

If you haven't already, you will see that herpes really isn't that big of a thing, even in relationships.

 

As a person who dealt with a lot of loneliness and rejection before my diagnosis, I can tell you that herpes is not the biggest obstacle most peope who are diagnosed face in dating. But if it is, you must have a ton of great things to offer the right person!

Not to deflect the difficulties anyone faces, becausw they are there and they are real.

But, finding a way to accept yourself and find pride in the good things you have to offer is a much bigger challenge than living with herpes inherently is.

 

It's a good thing that you are conscious of your responsibility to protect others from transmission, protect yourself from spreading the virus, and to promote a good quality of life for yourself in managing symptoms.

Those will end up being easy things.

From my own experience, the hard things were feeling content with myself, proud of my good qualities, and comfortable with my own body.

If you don't have any problems with those things, then you are doing pretty well with handling your situation.

[Lostgirl12]

@RegularGuy, thanks so much for your comments!