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First Time Telling my Story

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Hi guys, I am new to this forum and this is my first post, so I figured I should share how I ended up here. In 2016 I started dating my current boyfriend. We got together in October, and began having unprotected sex shortly thereafter. I never thought about asking him to get tested, and protection never came up. I thought I could never end up with an incureable STD, it just wasn’t possible. In November of 2016, about a month after I began having sex with my S/O, I developed a terrible burning down there. It hurt to use the bathroom because of the acidity of my pee, and it hurt to walk. I had also developed tiny itchy bumps that I assumed were ingrown hairs. I knew something was up, but I assumed it was from being a little rough in the bedroom, or shaving a sensitive area. My mom is a nurse practitioner, and we’re pretty close, so I decided to see if she would take a look for me. She looked around for a few seconds, and almost immediately said, “I think you might have herpes, these look like herpes blisters.” At first I was just kind of in shock. I told her there was no way I had herpes, and that she didn’t know what she was talking about. I was angry at her for even saying it. And then I just started to cry. I felt really dirty and ashamed of myself. I hadn’t been diagnosed yet, so I just tried to hold out hope that my mom had been mistaken. About two days later, I went to my Gyno to get tested. She swabbed my lesion, and I shot up the table and cried out in pain. She concluded her test, and before she went to send my tests off, she told me she was almost 100% positive that I had HSV2. She told me that it is a common STD, and that she had treated many girls for it. She told me that it would not define who I was, and that I was not my diagnosis. She answered all of my questions that I don’t even remember asking, because I was numb at that point. As soon as she left my room I called my mom and wailed into the phone. I had not been ready for this, I had held out hope that I didn’t have herpes, because it was just impossible. I was too young, it couldn’t happen to me. Even though I knew that my current S/O had given me herpes, I wasn’t angry at him. I was ashamed at myself. I couldn’t believe that I had been so careless, and I was so scared to tell him the news. He cried when I told him. He apologized, and then cried some more. He didn’t call me names, he didn’t blame me, he didn’t accuse me, he didn’t leave. He handled the news the same way I did, and it brought us closer because of that. It’s been almost two years now since my diagnosis, and I am doing okay. I struggled with self harm, alcohol, and drugs to try and cope with my diagnosis, I lashed out at the people I loved, and I still to this day feel ashamed. But it feels so good to tell my story, and not worry about who is listening. I’m so tired of being scared, and ashamed, and feeling like I am worthless. I’m still the same me I was two years ago, I just have a new story to tell. Thank you for reading.

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Welcome to the community!


I also wws diagnosed while in a relationship, and we stuck together.

It takes a lot of communication and willingness to change perspective for you to have remained strong for each other! Congratulations!

It seems like you have a lot of resilience to be able to see your worth. But like many of us, you struggle to fully accept yourself and to appreciate yourself. And that's okay.

Because it isn't going to stay that way.

There are a lot of factors that contribute tova person having the ability to accept and appreciate themself. Outlook to the future, desirability, value, and imapct on others are major contributers to how we asses our own worth as a human being.

Those are things you can influence on an internal level by doing external things, but a bigger factor is giving yourself permission to feel like a good person. That can be hard to do.

So, I'd recommend that you keep setting goals for yourself and working toward achieveing them incrementally. This is the best way to feel like your life is leading somewhere, and it helps to force yourself to accept things as they are, but also strive for small improvements. This is different for everyone, but I personally set some goals I would hit anyway: like keeping my job, and saying something nice to my girlfriend every day. There are plenty of normal things you can give yourself some credit for, and learn to like yourself enough.

Until then, as my brother says, "inflict yourself upon society". Be who you are in public, and unashamedly. Every good person deserves that.

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