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How can I move on and don’t know where this came from?

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I’ve gotten better since finding out about this ,in 2 weeks it will make a year since having that horrendous ob that led me to find out I was a carrier of hsv 2 but I still can’t help the fact that I don’t know who gave this to me like I can’t fully move on without that closure of the person knew or not and just to at least say to someone look u caused this to me please don’t cause this to someone else , I can’t close this chapter of this emotional roller coaster in my life without knowing but 90% of my sexual interactions was with condoms it can literally be anybody and then idk how to confront them about it either ... like when I meet someone new and disclose to them I’m not even gonna be able to tell them who I got it from then I’m gonna look like a whore... been on my mind lately

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Lifegoesonn, I know you feel you need to know who gave it to you to get a sense of closure, and I get that, but knowing can really suck, too! When I had my first ob, it was plainly obvious who I got it from, and when. And for me- I will tell you that it would have been easier for me if I hadn’t been sure who I’d gotten it from. It’s hard having such awful, negative feelings about someone. Really hard. When I was free of symptoms for such a long period of time, it was easier for me to feel forgiveness towards him, but then my second ob arrived, which I’d describe as anything but mild. And I found myself right back where I’d started, all that horrible anger came rushing back. All for something that was done unintentionally by someone who occasionally got cold sores. Also, I find knowing hard because I find myself thinking about the day I got it, I remember it in detail and it haunts me! I almost stayed home by myself that day. I had a weird gut feeling I should just stay home, but I didn’t listen to it. So of course I blame myself for that, too. Why didn’t I just stay home? So for those reasons, I honestly wish I didn’t know when or where I got it. It would just be a mystery. As for disclosing, I agree with the others. If anyone asks how you got it/who you got it from, you can always say you really don’t want to talk about that. Nobody needs to know that you aren’t sure when and how you got it.

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