Making progress after making mistakes

[Harlow]

I know most of my posts on this forum have been of "Hey, I made a mistake I need advice."

Since I was diagnosed with herpes last November, I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions.

I have also gone through a reckless phase in which I was having sex (sometimes with condoms sometimes without)

without disclosing. I would like to thank you all for your support but most importantly your tough love and urging me

to take responsibility for my actions and to be accountable. This has helped preserve my integrity.

As far as I have known, I have not spread the virus to any one I have slept with. But I'm ready to start over.

I am slowly learning to love myself and respect myself but most importantly have the respect to my future partners of disclosing.

 

I have just graduated college and seldom enjoy going out and drinking. I have found that although it can sometimes be fun, I was using it as purely a distraction from my own insecurities. I'm ready for a more meaningful direction.

(Although I wouldn't mind enjoying a nice Newcastle every now and then)

 

I urge you all to watch this TEDTalks episode. It comes from the TEDTalks: Sex, Secrets, & Love.

The episode is hosted by Brene Brown and it is called: The Power of Vulnerability. It is sincerely enlightening (as is the entire TedTalks segment) If anyone has netflix, you can find all the episodes of Sex, Secrets, & Love on there.

 

 

I just wanted to say thank for not judging, for supporting, for the advice, and for the tough love.

Thanks to the H Forum and the wonderful people on here, I am changing directions and becoming a better version of me.

 

P.S.

 

I'm in the NJ area, so if anyone would like to get together for support or even just to grab a cup of coffee in the tri-state area (NYC would be a great meetup place) Please don't hesitate to message me.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Harlow,

 

I am SO proud of you and so in awe of your journey. I have goosebumps reading your post. You are such an inspiration to so many on here who are in the struggling stages, trying to come to terms with what having herpes means and how to live with their "new normal".

 

I wish I lived closer because I would so take you up on that coffee.

 

Hugs from Canada my dear!!

 

Brenda xoox

[Beckie]

How awesome! Your post reminded me of a beautiful fact that I absolutely love about life: we have the power to re-create ourselves every single day. That rocks. So yay you for choosing more love for yourself and others, accountability and gratitude. I, too, was really moved by Brene's video....I must have watched it twenty times. And I can really relate to the alcohol stuff. For me, alcohol was definitely a numbing agent of choice. In my early twenties, I couldn't wait for the weekend so I could go out with my friends and get absolutely trashed. My life is so different now...I barely drink at all because it just doesn't resonate with me anymore. Like you said, a drink every now and then can be super pleasurable, but it's no longer drinking to numb the pain. I say "Cheers!" to that!

 

Thanks again for the post,

 

Much love,

 

Beckie :)

[Harlow]

Thanks Beckie and Brenda! I loved your responses. Much love to both of you

[Saliha]

Thanks Harlow for sharing that video! I am a social worker too and that video described me to a T. I always put myself out there to help and be there for others no matter what and that often means being vulnerable and courageous and loving unconditionally- which often equals heartbreak for me. People and relationships come into my life through work and love and I always give 100% knowing they will probably move on, fail, or not follow through- and this video could be helpful for others to see why people behave in this way. It appears that so many don't feel worthy or fear rejection and don't feel the connection to others they need to feel happy in life. These feelings can really hold us back from living the life we truly deserve and are all worthy of. This video helped me see that in a positive way that I am out there living and worthy of love and that it isn't perfect like I often try to construct in my "social work" fixing way and that sometimes being vulnerable is ok and healthy and helps us to connect with others. Having H really makes you vulnerable to screening the relationships in your life and we all need to see that in a positive way that we can embrace. Thanks again for sharing!

[Judith]

I loved that video.yeah we always need to accept and love ourselve first but this is a punch of work...hope i get there at one point.thanks so much

[kpeace13]

Thank you for sharing this video! Harlow, I am also struggling with making peace with myself after having sex with a partner and not disclosing to them. It is literally tearing me up inside. I felt so guilty about not saying anything, that I told him the next day.(this occurred last summer) It did not go very well. We have a chatted a bit since then, but this feeling that I was so dishonest in a moment that is supposed to be about honesty and trust- makes me feel so horrible. I just cant shake the guilt and the shame. I think what bothers me even more is thinking that he thinks I'm gross, or that I'm a bitch and a horrible person..... i am also having an outbreak right now and these feeling always seem surface ten fold during this time. I'm going to watch the video again:) xo

[mr_hopp]

This is hands-down one of my favorite videos of all time. In fact, when I first watched this video, I had just started getting to the point in my journey with herpes where I was starting to accept and love myself. This video hit me like a ton of bricks (in a good way!) and pushed me over the edge into acceptance. It makes so much sense on a deep level. In fact, this is the video that's shown Saturday morning of the Herpes Opportunity weekend. Super powerful and quite a great way to shift perspective and launch the whole crew into a day of beautiful vulnerability! ;)

 

Here's a blog article I wrote about this video a while back if you're interested:

http://herpeslife.com/brene-brown-authenticity-connection-vulnerability-shame-guilt-herpes

 

By the way, I can't be more EXCITED that the Herpes Opportunity weekend is coming up in 2 weeks! It's overflowing with participants, loving staff and tons o' love! Woohoo! I can't WAIT!