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First ever disclosure since recently diagnosed

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So I thought I'd share a little about what it was like disclosing for the first time.

Backstory: I was diagnosed June 2017 after being intimate with my not-so-new boyfriend for 6 months, every instance unprotected. Before our first time, I thought I was being careful by having the dreaded "when's the last time you were tested" talk. He swore it was recent and everything came back normal. Well fast forward six months and I'm at my OBGYN, feet in the stirrups, being told "yep, looks like herpes." He' an asymtomatic carrier. He's never had an outbreak. Well I had to break up with him after about 3 months. Too much resentment I could not let go of. I couldn't help but feel deep hatred and resentment, because my intuition told me HE KNEW. He knew and he didn't tell me in fear of losing me, my assumption is. Had he told me in the beginning we could have taken necessary precautions but nooooo....


Well I've been single now for 5 months, went on a couple dates but didn't disclose because I didn't see it working out long term. So I met this guy on Tinder about a month ago. We've been texting a lot, nearly every day. I have been so busy this month I haven't had a chance to go on a date with him. I started to feel like we were talking so much I was almost being deceiving by not telling him. So we were planning out the details of our date (this coming Friday) and I just told myself "fuck it" and I told him. What have I got to lose? A pen pal... basically. I felt if I didn't tell him, and we went on our date and had a great time, went on a second, I told him, and he was unaccepting that would be more crushing than rejection over text.


So after about a grueling 10 minutes waiting for his response, he replies in a nutshell. "Wow that's heavy... I really appreciate your courage and honesty. And honestly, I have HSV too. I was going to wait until we met to bring it up. So I understand the emotional and physical aspects.


I guess statistically this isn't very uncommon. It is just not what I was expecting. So moral of my story is that Although you may fear the worst and fear the rejection it is always best to be honest and forthright, and you never truly know how someone is going to respond. So just say fuck it... jump... tell him/her. And with rejection also comes integrity from doing the right thing. So either way you can walk with your head held high.

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Congratulations on having the courage and the compassion to disclose!

You really have a lot to be proud of in not perpetuating the kind of things you personally went through and for seeing that you get to choose how you go about things.

That kind of honesty, courage and compassion makes for a solid foundation to try to build things up from. I hope things work out!

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