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Disclosing trend that I am seeing....Why do we need to disclose within 2, 3, 4 dates?

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Hi everyone...I have noticed a trend that many people are disclosing very early into dating. I, on the other hand, have always taken the approach that let's get to know one another to see if there is a connection outside of physical intimacy. I have waited 3, 4, 5 months to disclose. At this point, I have not received any negative responses.


I am currently having the anxiety of disclosing to someone that is very special and we have developed a great connection. We have been together 5 months and I think it is now time for the talk.


Is this a misleading approach?

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There is nothing wrong with taking things slow.

I think the trend is due to a stronger need for physical intimacy for a lot of people. They are disclosing sooner to be responsible and kind to the other person before things get physical.

In your case, there isn't a problem, as long as you aren't stringing anyone along and you disclose before having any sort of sexual contact.

Personally, I am one who moved faster with dating. I realized in my twenties that I needed to be with someone who was both attracted to me and expected a similar pace in a relationship, sex included. As we know, dating someone whos libido is much more subtle is just as much a strain on a relationship as dating someone whos libido is much stronger. So, I would generally accept matters for what they are and expect that sex would be a vital component to a relationship after a few weeks of dating. That usually translates to the 3 - 4 date timeframe.

Teo reasons:

1. The aforementioned libido dynamic.

2. I wasn't trying to waste my own time on a relationship that wasn't going to work out.

Sex adds a different degree of emotional intimacy almost instantly, whether everyone likes to admit it or not. There is plenty of biology and science involved, but the short version is that it changes how you feel about the other person to make you yet more protective, more compassionate and generally start acting like a close romantic partner. Finding out how jealous, selfish or entitled another person can be generally happens after becoming very familiar and comfortable with them. A dynamic that only tends to start happening after sex. I think appropriately refered to as "to know" someone, in the biblical sense. It's not totally off the mark if you think about it.


So, yeah. Sex is important.

The timing is something agreed upon through the dynamic of the proverbial "game". But it must be a mutual thing, whether on the first date, or after a 5 year dating phase of abstinence followed by marriage. If it isn't consentual, it isn't okay.

There is nothing wrong with a couple agreeing upon the timing, no matter what that timing is.

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@mdv123 It's never an issue to listen to others' opinions on the matter. My situation is slightly different and not like the normal dating scenario. I have been friends with her for over 30 years and we have taken things slow to ensure that things will work out for us at a whole new level. We have not been intimate, but have done the light petting, kissing, etc...


We have reached a point in our relationship that I think we might be both ready to move to the next level of intimacy so that's why I was asking. My goal is truly get to know a person and actually establish a connection prior to getting physically intimate. Perhaps it's my age of 54 years old that takes me there.

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