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Need help coping

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Hi all. I just found out i have ghsv1 two months ago while i was 4 months pregnant. Im still wrestling with the idea of this lifetime sentence and 3 days ago my 14 month old son had an outbreak: i cant look at him without tearing up. I cant help my repulsion everytime i put coconut oil on his blisters. I am desperately trying to still show him all the affection that i always do, but i know he senses my aversion. My mind is filled with nothing but concerns and doubts about his health and his future. My husband is very blase about the matter because "he's always had it" and "doesn't know any other life." He got it as an infant and didnt tell me until my first OB 2 months ago. There's too much happening too fast and that ive even thought about terminating my pregnancy. Any advice on coping is greatly appreciated

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Don’t terminate your pregnancy over this , you won’t forgive yourself ,carry on as if u didn’t find out about it , I know my doctor said if I have a child when it’s

Closer to the due date I’ll be given valtrex to take to be on the safe side and where did your baby get the ob ?

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Your kids will be totally fine. If you give them the chance to, they will prove to you that they have the kindness, compassion, intelligence, and strength to be good people. Worth while people. Worthy of your admiration and pride.


Right now, it sounds like you are struggling with sadness, anger, and a loss of your sense of identity. Those are common things in our community. It can cause us to question the point of carrying on.

But I can assure you those feelings are temporary. Super temporary.


Your husband may not be providing the kind of compassion and empathy that you expect. Unfortunately, for us males, we are typically very under equipped for that kind of support in a relationship. It doesn't mean he is callous. It just means that he might lack some of the tools to effectively communicate on those topics.

That is a life long endeavor for most of us dudes. Certainly is for me.


I thing a major contributer to your current struggles centers around how you feel about yourself. Projecting those fears and negative feelings onto your children can be a powerful source of heartbreak on their behalf.


In a lot of ways you are right though.

If there were justice in fate, good people would not be injured, or contract disease, or suffer disorders. And it is okay to be angry at that injustice sometimes.

Sadly, bad things happen to good people. But we can at least take some solice in the knowledge that it does not make them bad people. Those who experience strife can still be good people, they can still do good things.

And despite any hard times, nobody is rendered worthless due to a medical condition like herpes. In fact, we are all very much worthy people. Worthy of admiration, appreciation, and affection.


After my diagnosis, I considered that I'd shoot myself. I decided I would do it in a way that nobody would need to clean me up. I'd apologize to my family for the pain it would cause them. I figured RegularGuy was dead anyway, and I couldn't deal with living as Regular Poor Sap.

But I talked to the people closest to me about anything other than herpes first. Doing so helped me to decide that I would give myself a chance to regain my own respect first. I really tested myself, expecting failure. But I didn't fail at anything. In fact, I was no better or worse at any of my tests I designed for myself than I ever would have been.


You deserve the same chance.

Your family deserves the same chance.

You'll see, nothing is lost. Nothing is ruined.


I would recommend that you identity what infuences the feelings of anger, sadness and loss of your appreciation for yourself which effect your views of the future and your children and their futures.

It might seem convoluted, but it's actually not so.


First, your view of yourself.

You need to see the fact that you are the same great person you were months ago. You need to give yourself a chance to earn back your self-respect.

You can do this by doing right by your children. Being strong for them. You can try your best to keep doing the things you have always done. If you want to feel like Faith3, do Faith3 things.

You'll see that you are no better or worse than ever.


Second, your view of the future.

Make a plan to do something you will enjoy. It can be as small or as grand as it needs to be. But make a plan to do it real soon.

Give yourself permission to be excited about it. Look forward to it.

Think about how there are so many other things you will look forward to. It will make you feel like there is a good future hidden behind all the sadness and anger.


Third, do good things.

Don't let yoyrself dwell on thoughts about "how" or "why". Think those tough thoughts, then try to let them go. Likewise, don't dwell on fear about the future, or negative thoughts about yourself.

Try to focus on what you can do, what you will do, that is good. Seek opportunities to help the people closest to you. It doesn't have to be Earth-shattering, just helping with dishes, or being a sympathetic ear is plenty. It will make you feel like you are appreciated. Hopefully, it will help you see that you are worthy of others' time and affection.


You've been so strong to seek out someone to talk to.

Keep giving this that level of strength and courage.


If you find yourself having trouble steering your train of thought away from the negative things, reach out.

If you have a hard time talking to your husband, make it a point to get better at it. Do what you have to, both internally in your own head as well as externally through words, to reach a common ground to communicate effectively.

If you have trouble seeing the value in your children, their humanity, their worthiness. Realize that is a symptom of an internal struggle being projected onto them from within you. One that needs to be tackled with positivity, support, and strength.


You are a good person. You are worthy of affection, appreciation, sympathy, love, and respect.

If you try, if you do what it takes, if you give yourself the chance, you will see that it's not just a load of hokey voodoo bullshit.

What you are experiencing is real and profound. What you do about it matters. To you. To us. To your family.

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  • 1 month later...

I want you to know you’re not alone in this. I hope you see this comment. I too unfortunately passed this virus to my baby. I got it in my 3rd trimester from my sons father who was dishonest and unfaithful. Because I got it so close to giving birth, my son got it. I had NO clue I had it until my son was diagnosed. I didn’t have any symptoms until months after he was born. He has had a few outbreaks, and it is the lowest feeling I have ever felt. Each time I change his diaper I’m so scared I’m goinf to see an out break. It’s been so lonely because though many people have herpes, I have never been able to relate or talk to anyone who has to deal with the daily shame and guilt of passing it to their child. I’m so sorry you have to go through this too

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