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Pain during sex?! Help me I'm new!

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Hello, I am new on here. (19F)


I was diagnosed with HSV2 on March 4th this year, since then I have flared up twice (One flare-up lasting about 2 weeks). My sex drive crashed and burned as soon as I was diagnosed and I lost my appetite too - felt like rubbish for a while but kind of slowly accepting that this is part of my life now and I need to get over it. After telling my current partner that I have HSV and him being fine with it, my last flare up had FINALLY healed and we were going to have sex again but it hurt that much that he couldn't enter me fully. He is quite big but I have had no problems in the past.


I feel as though my vaginal has swelled (I'm not sure if it has) but I was just curious to see if it was so last night I tried to have a feel and I don't know if it's just because I wasn't in the mood but my actual vagina did feel very small. My vulva gets a bit itchy sometimes and even though the virus has healed, I still have a lot of discharge and it is uncomfortable to sit down.


I've been back and forth to the GUM clinic since December as they didn't manage to diagnose me with the HSA virus until March. Before I was diagnosed I thought it could be Trichomoniasis but the nurse told me it wasn't as I wasn't in the kind of pain that women when they have this. I'm thinking now that it might be down to vaginismus (involuntary tensing of the vaginal muscles) but I honestly don't know. They've swabbed me for Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea twice (since Dec) and those results were negative, they didn't think it was BV and it isn't anything HIV/AIDS related either as I have been tested twice for that too. I haven't been told that I have genital warts but I do have a few skin tags on my bum and near my genitals and my mam had genital warts too - but surely they would have known and told me if it was GW?


This is really affecting me as I enjoy sex a lot, and do it a lot. My thoughts since being diagnosed are that nobody is going to want to have sex with me, nobody will love me ever again and I can't enjoy my life the same. Since trying to accept having herpes I was thinking that the flare-up is only temporary and after it has healed I can have as much sex as I want, but now it has healed ... I can't because it hurts before penetration has even happened :(


I don't know what to do! PLEASE HELP ME!!! Thank you x

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Hi! I’m sorry you are dealing with this! It could be vaginismus or vulvodynia, but because of the timing, it’s probably still just the HSV. The fact that it’s uncomfortable to sit down, that is a very clear sign that you are not all healed- you are still healing. Also, with the itching, and the discharge- the virus may not have gone into dormancy yet. The discharge could be from internal sores that are breaking. Yes, you may have swelling due to inflammation caused by he virus- something I’ve been dealing with for about two months now. I know it seems like a long time to wait for sex, but you have to just take care of your body and let it heal at its own pace! Are you taking antivirals? All I can suggest is take daily antivirals at least until you feel physically back to normal, and use coconut oil and/or lemon balm salve topically while giving yourself all the time you need to heal. Also, stay away from nuts, chocolate, all the things that trigger HSV at least until after you are all healed. Feel better!

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