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Disclosed in a text last night

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So I’ve been seeing this guy I met on Tinder for a a couple months now. He’s a very very nice guy, kinda shy actually. Very patient. We’ve gone on a few dates and have hardcore cuddled. We also fooled around a little but one time and I did feel a little guilty about that but not too guilty. Anyway I’ve been pushing him away a bit because I knew we were getting to a point where things might get more serious. The thought of disclosing was eating me up so last night I just finally got it over with. Told him I had a bad experience once and the guy gave me hsv and it’s not something I brought on myself, it’s something that happened to me. I told him sex is super important to me though so I cannot settle for less. And i told him at this point if he wanted to back out I would actually be okay with it because I still have a certain standard for my relationships and that this is just my challenge to face and unfortunately it does have an impact on my relationships even if it barely has any physical impact on me. Then I told him that any feelings he felt about it would be understandable but I hoped he could respect how challenging it is for me to share.


It’s funny because there was a point where we talked about herpes in regards to his sister potentially dating a guy with it and he said a few disappointing comments that made me hesitate but I knew in my heart that even if he didn’t want to deal he would still be kind. Anyway after I disclosed I turned my phone off and went to bed because that was the only way to manage my anxiety about it. Woke up this morning to texts from him saying that although he is surprised, he’s willing to do some research and figure it out. Then he said he trusts me and wants to keep seeing me and I can’t get rid of him that easily.


So I guess it’s a success. I want to give him some time to think about it and really make an informed decision. I really really want to have sex with him and I hope we can. In fact I’m more worried that we are going to get deep into this and then I won’t be happy because sometimes I think he’s too nice! Lol. Just wanted to share because I feel like every single disclosure story is beneficial on this site.

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  • 1 month later...

Really glad you decided to disclose up front!

You gave him his right to consent and demonstrated a high degree of honesty and compassion. That not just commendable, it gives you the opportunity to come into an intimate situation without guilt or shame.

No matter his final decision, you'll have the self-image and self respect necessary to find exactly what you're looking for with no regrets to eat away at your concience.


But, like you said, there is a such thing as "too nice". A guy might not come off as a bad boy on first impressions. Personally, I believe that a truely daring dude doesn't flaunt it and only breaks out the agression and attitude in appropriate situations. However, nobody wants to date someone that folds under pressure or doesn't know how to cut loose and have fun.

I used to throw out the following tests fron the opposite angle when I was dating:

Throw a test at him like going downtown at night for a drink so that you'll have to walk a ways. If a shady character happens by, see if he bothers to try to put himself between you and said potential antagonist. Or plan a nighttime pool / beach visit on the legally gray side, see if he doesn't chicken out.

An inner rebel should come out when circumstances call for it, not be announced constantly to the point of masking short-comings.

My current girlfriend both picked up on queues that I was sheilding her from potentially threatening people / situations and also jumped at the chance to hit the beach at 2am on a Saturday for a short walk and some groping. Things like that helped me identify her as adventurous, but not reckless or nieve. Because that's what we really mean by "too nice", or "too rowdy".

You don't want to date an alcoholic just as much as you don't want to date momma's boy... In general, anyway.

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Yes!!! So glad to read this success story...i also disclosed once thru text, anonymously. I head shake thinking of it...it was back before my life went tipsy turvey (to put it mildly) and I was afraid of even discussing it....I just said “you were with me in your recent past and I have hsv2”...he replied “who is this”...I replied I couldn’t reveal.

I sent the text...and we spoke again several times after that, and he never mentioned getting the text.....player??? Freaked out?? I have no clue

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