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Threatened my life after disclosing

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I’m new here, and I’m here because I have done a terrible and unforgivable thing. I was working an event, and I met a guy. He was very sweet and made me feel like I was worth more than I ever imagined within a couple days of chatting. He offered for me to come over to his hotel, since my company was making me sleep in a tent. I had no intentions of sleeping with him, but things got intense quickly and I haven’t been intimate whatsoever in 6 months so I was overwhelmingly happy and it felt so right. The thought of my hsv 2 hadn’t crossed my mind, we had unprotected sex and then fell asleep. The next day I felt extremely sore, and then I realized I was having a breakout, and the reality hit me. I felt scared, ashamed, and regret. The next two days I went to see him but I wouldn’t let him do anything to me. I cried hysterically after each time because I had realized what I had done and that he did not deserve it. I wanted to tell him, but I was scared so l left, and I disclosed through text before work. I told him that he deserved to know I have hsv 2 and I wasn’t even thinking about it that day because it truly doesn’t effect my life and I forget I have it until I break out or I’m reminded which is not very often. I tried to explain it so he would understand that he may not have gotten it, since we only had sex once and that I never intended to do this and I was sorry to tell him after but if I didn’t care I wouldn’t tell him at all and I would of let him have sex with me again. He was furious. He went up to me at work and told me if he didn’t already have 2 strikes I’d be beat nearly to death by him, and that I’m a disgusting whore. He’s threatened to press charges and send people to my house to beat me up. I understand that if he does press charges, I need to accept that I was irresponsible. I really do hope and pray he did not get it. I need some advice on how to feel right now because I feel like a disgusting human being right now, and I’m scared for my life and my future.

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Wow... I mean, I can understand him being upset at your disclosure after you had had sex but to threaten you with violence and call you names is just downright horrible! You don't deserve that at all! Thank goodness it was only once and you didn't get into a relationship or anything with this man because he doesn't sound like the kind of person you want in your life!!

I don't really have much advice but wanted to leave a comment just so that you know you have support here and you're not alone going through this.. he has a right to be upset and yes, you were a little irresponsible but at least you cared enough to tell him etc. You don't deserve threats and you don't deserve to be afraid.

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You're not a disgusting human. He is. The way he is acting is egregious. Document everything. Record threats. Take screen shots of texts. Save emails. He sounds super scary! Depending on how threatened you feel consider reporting this to the police.


As for him pressing charges unless he can first prove that he didn't already have it then he can't press charges. Considering that it's nearly impossible to prove there's not much he can do. He'd have to have proof that he had no sexual contact with anyone for three months prior to getting a negative test result. Then show that he did not have any sexual contact between the time he was tested and the time he was with you. Herpes is sneaky. He could already have it and you could have nothing to do with it. People need to chill. If you're having sex you're going to be exposed to herpes. It's everywhere.


I'd say you have more of a reason, and a better case, to press charges than get does.

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Thank you both so much for your support and your advice. This does make me feel a lot better, and I will document everything. I thought that he would be more understanding and mature about it since he’s literally twice my age. I’m 20 and he’s 40. I’m not going to let this scare me from future disclosures, but I’ll be sure to disclose before of course.

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Why is he even interested in having sex with. 20 year old , I understand his frustration because honestly I had that type of mindset with whomever gave it to me but idk who gave it to me sadly, and that’s on him because he had unprotected sex with you and never questioned you about STDs or HIV so he was irresponsible as well

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Welp, absolutely nobody has a right to threaten another person's health and safety, revenge included.

You are right to accept the consequences of your actions, but remeber that you still deserve to feel safe in your home, and not be threatened or harassed. If it continues unprovoked, or has you double-checking the deadbolt on your doors, report it to the police.

Outside of that, know that this mistake does not define who you will be. You can be a good person and you can do good things. You are very much deserving of affection, especially your own.

If he asks you for help, you should help (from a very long distance, considering the threats) If he wants nothing to do with you, let him be. If he continues to harass you, get the police involved.


Try to turn your self-reflections on this situation toward a more positive light. How you will do things in the future, how you want things to be. Remember that once you accept yourself as you are, and you seek the intamacy of another person, you need to both disclose for their sake as much as your own.

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Well, it's a lesson learned. He sounds like a very immature 40 year old so count your blessings!!!. He should have worn a condom (if, for no other reason, than to prevent pregnancy at his age)so really.....he has only himself to blame. Always use a condom, until you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't mind not using one. If you think condoms don't work, just read my stories on here. Best of luck!!!

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