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0:2 in disclosing

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I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Feb 2017. I didn’t have an “outbreak” in the general sense. I just felt all around tired and icky so I went to the doctor. She tested me for everything and that’s when the test results came back positive. I immediately called up the guy I was dating and told him he was most likely the one to give it to me. I was just tested three months prior and wasn’t intimate with anyone other than him. He denied it and I never spoke to him again. I was devastated. I was ashamed. I felt used.


I stayed in a bubble for months and wouldn’t even look a guy in the eyes. I met a handsome man at the airport and decided to just go for it. I gave him my number and we talked for weeks. I travel quite a bit for my job so it was hard planning our first date - so we did a virtual date instead. It went so well that I wanted to disclose soon after. Which I did. I am a fairly open person and having the talk looming over my head made it difficult for me to sit back, relax, and enjoy conversations. He literally told me “you should only date people like yourself” and was fairly angry at me. He judged me and called me some pretty disgusting names.


I went back into my bubble and didn’t speak to another man for months. I joined a herpes dating site, hid my profile, unhid my profile for awhile before meeting a guy. He was amazing. But unfortunately it didn’t work out.



Later, somehow, I randomly connected with a guy on FB. Both from the same hometown, went to the same college but never met. We only chatted for about a week but they were long and intense conversations. He doesn’t live close but we agreed to meet for dinner in a few weekends. Again, I hate not being open and I should have kept my mouth shut. He made reference to a lot of “deal breakers” and I assumed this would be as well. I disclosed via text - not my brightest moment but I did. He hasn’t even acknowledged the message.


I haven’t had any luck disclosing to non H men and I fear it will only get worse. It hurts being rejected. But now to be rejected over something that is so common it is soul crushing.

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Well, consider that you might be disclosing a little early.

I am a huge advocate of disclosure. Always, always, always disclose before becoming physical!

But, each of these men got very little in person time with you.

Generally (and I'm assuming a lot here) people tend to consider intamacy an option after several dates in person. Either way that works for you personally, there is a definite point where conversation turns toward that genre and sex starts becoming a matter of inevitability.

I don't know about most, but that's about where I initiate the STD / Genetic Disorder / Personality Disorder talk.

Sure puts cold water on the mood, but it never ruined a good date.

This would be the easiest and most effective way to disclose in my mind. (Other more experienced member feel free to correct me on this).

Asking the othrr person about their medical history opens the door for disclosure in an environment where they are both ready to listen and also ready to demonstrate some understanding.

Now, there are going to be people who are terrified of herpes. You can't change that.

But those people aren't afraid of the skin condition. They are afraid of the same thing you are: struggling to find new partners and build new relationships. Meaning they probably plan to sleep with someone else. Not that there is anything wrong with some casual sex.

But that they don't intend to be your night in shining armor anyway. And a one night stand is not so rare as to stress about 1 or 2 rejections.


As a person who dealt with tons of rejection befote my diagnosis, I can tell you that if herpes is your biggest hangup in dating, you're not doing bad at all.

You must have a lot to offer the right kind of person.

There are plenty of people who deal with rejection and loneliness. It's a fact of life.

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Hi, yes you are correct. I do believe I am disclosing too early. With the first guy, it was actually right on time. He brought up sex a couple of times and I just kept brushing it off. In hindsight, I know now he was only interested in casual sex. So me disclosing to him was not something he was interested in - as the risk was just too great. And that’s a big assumption on my part. The second guy - wayyyy too early. I have learned by reading other posts to wait to disclose once there is a mutual connection and conversations tend to migrate towards sex. Up until then, the person really doesn’t have a vested interest in me so being open to anything beyond that won’t work. Thanks for the info!

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